Birthday Post!

Happy birthday to meeeee. Wheeeeee.

So I've been 25 years old for a week and one day now, and I don't feel any different really...25 seems so strange a concept to me: it's right in the middle of your 20s, the truest quarterlife-crisis number, the year when you can rent a car and have lower car insurance and stuff.

Hmph, I should rent a car.

This post should be about my birthday, the anniversary of my birth, the number of times I've revolved around the sun completely. 25. In three more 25-year segments I'll be 100. If I were a coin, I'd be 1/4 of a dollar. Why the comparisons? Why the fractions and mathematical breakdown of an age?

The squirrel makes sense. Just keep reading.

I dunno really. But it's really quite alright. And I don't think the actual celebration that took place on my birthday serves as a foreshadowing representation of my 25th year as a whole. [Does that sentence even make sense?] Anyway, in a nutshell:

• I woke up to get ready for work (because my boss didn't approve my request for the day off.
• My mother was sick, and my younger sister was dead asleep, so nobody sang happy birthday in the morning.
• Nobody seemed to care that it was my birthday, I don't even think I cared about it.
• It was pretty rainy on my way to work, and as I made my way down the usual route, a squirrel jumped in front of my car and I killed it.
• The sudden death of the squirrel caused me to laugh and cry, simultaneously.
• Work was lame and not busy at all, hahahaha. And for the birthday lunch we had pizza. I also received a few gifts and birthday cards.
• I left work and went home. We "celebrated" my birthday by eating cake with some of my close family. Then everyone left because more storms were on their way.
• My younger sister and I drove around for a bit, just before the storms hit...a small hurrah for being a year older.

And that was it. 25. I would like to say that my birthday was amazing and stuff like that, but it wasn't. But I was okay with it. Every day for the past month-and-a-half has been amazing enough, feeling love from all different places, that I can't keep myself from smiling!

Summer's gonna be awesome.

P.S. Out of all the presents I received for my birthday, I STILL DID NOT RECEIVE A BLACK LABRADOR PUPPY!!! I guess I'll have to get one myself...one of these days BAYBAYYSSSS...one of these days.

This would be a picture of my black lab puppy...IF I HAD ONE!!!!!

Tuesday Tunesday: Who Knows Who Cares

Hi everybody!!! I'm finally back from an accidental hiatus of sorts, done with my first semester of grad school and stuff like that!

I have so much free time now that I don't even know what to do with it. Oh sure, I still go to work Monday-Friday, but it's such an easy job that I usually finish my work tasks with so much time left over. During the spring semester, I'd fill in that free time with study/homework time. I've been making myself busy, but there's really only so much I can do...

Having been busy with school stuff though, I completely neglected the fact that my birthday is creeping up on me. (It's tomorrow by the way, and I dunno how to feel about it!) And so, I scrambled around trying to request the day off from work (my boss didn't approve the request), buy my birthday dress (I didn't succeed in getting the one I originally wanted, but I got a worthy substitute), and plan something to do for the weekend celebration of it (which is currently not going very well).

Boy, the way that paragraph looks, I sound lame and superficial. It's not as bad as it sounds. Honestly, I just want to spend my birthday with my mother and sisters (and hopefully that'll happen alright tomorrow after work). The way things have been lately with my friends though...that's a different story. I don't think it's anyone's fault, we've all just been doing our own thing; the girls in the "gang" have been hanging out more while I've been stuck in grad school, the guys have been doing their own thing...I look back at last summer and how we were all on good terms, hanging out during the weekends, feeling young and free and stuff!

Anyway, I need to cheer up! And really, I've been feeling pretty awesome the past month or so---I still don't quite comprehend how I started out April quite miserable and heartbroken but now I'm in the middle of May and quite content with how things have been going. I've been trying a few new things here and there; I'm also in the beautiful happy stage of a new relationship (seriously, this awesome guy I'm seeing is pretty amazing, and nothing like the complicated relationships I've been in before). However, that's not the point of this post. The point is, and I'm glad I chose to share Local Natives' Who Knows Who Cares, that I just need to go along with whatever happens, reminding myself to enjoy every moment (good and bad).

We'll see how year twenty-five goes. I think I'll start that fun job search again; I wanna get out of this complacency, you know?! I wanna move out (on my own?), I wanna get a dog, I wanna visit Seattle (and the rest of the world)!

So dear friends of the virtual world, how's life been for y'all lately?? I'm gonna start catching up on my blog readings and I can't wait to see what y'all have been up to! :)

The BIGGEST Day of the Semester

Hi everybody!

Things have been swirling around in my life lately, and I have little time to just sit back and relax and think about everything. It's okay though, in the past two months I've finally gotten over my most recent break up and I've gotten through (ALIVE!!!) the heaviest parts of the Spring semester.

Now all that awaits is...the BIG CASE STUDY PRESENTATION. I won't bore y'all with the details (if anyone has stuck around to read my intermittent posts), but this is it! It's this group project I've been working on almost all semester, and this Thursday is the evening we present in class! Sure, the downside is that I have to miss the Lumineers' concert, but I'm trying to "keep my head up" by making it the BEST presentation ever given on the SUPER-FUN subject of Transfer Pricing.

Yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, we'll see how it goes.

After that presentation, I have two final exams for my other two classes and then two more papers to turn in for Transfer Pricing. And then I'll be FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

I am very happy with all the stuff I've gone through this entire semester, with life and academia and whatnot, and I am ready to embrace what's coming next!!

I can't wait till I have so much more free time again so I can write and read more blog posts and articles and books and lots of other stuff too! :D

Till next time you guys!!

P.S. That word "BIGGEST" in the title looks weird, right??

I Think Ur a Contra

So a few posts ago I mentioned I needed to resolve some issues with this guy I was seeing. After much thought and talking with some close friends, I came to terms with what I really wanted. I realized that I had genuine feelings for this friend-turned-lover, and that I didn't need to run away from my feelings.

But you know how these things go. He told me he didn't mean to lead me on, that another girl had his heart. I became upset but tried to keep calm and composed. I've been struggling, not only because of the feelings I felt, but because I didn't like how I let him get to me like this, when he was nowhere near the level that the former-love-of-my-life was. That last thing is what keeps me down most of the time.

I guess I also feel betrayed. Everything I shared was honest and sincere. And he seemed to reciprocate the honesty. I would talk about things that brighten my soul and mind (economics, politics, music, etc.), and he would appear interested and have intelligent conversations with me. And now, especially this very night, I feel like it was all an act on his part. Oh sure, he might dabble in the topics I'm studying, but he never really felt as strongly about them as I do. And while I had begun to believe that he cared about me, he was juggling dating several other girls, one of whom he is "officially" in a relationship with.

Whatever, dear. I think ur a contra. That's all I will say about you. Ever. What will happen to our friendship? I dunno, and I really don't care right now. And even though I know I didn't do anything wrong this time around, I don't know how to fight from feeling like the worst person in the world---so awful that some average-looking guy rejected me.

I know that last sentence up there is crazy talk and I need to stop. April appears to be the toughest month yet, and I just want to get through it quickly. Alone.

"nothing you say ever makes sense"

Hiya everybody! It's been far too long since I last updated teenytinytidbits, and y'all know the reason behind my absence. It's funny how unprepared I truly was (and continue to be) for grad school, but it's all worth it; at least, it seems like it's worth it at this point in time.

I've been totally immersed in the math econ class in particular, though the last couple of weeks have been consumed by the fascinating subject of TRANSFER PRICING. It's definitely as cool as it sounds but totally not fun trying to explain what it is to my friends and family. The deeper I delve into my studies, the crazier it seems that nobody else in my close circle of loved ones understands what the hell I'm talking about. Yup, I'm becoming that weirdo family member, the one who never seems like she's completely there-there...lately, my Potato Cousin enjoys the following quip about me: "We love you because nothing you say ever makes sense."

Greaaaaaaat! I'll take that as a compliment, thank you very much! I'm embracing this new kind of weirdness and taking it for what it is. I can talk about stuff I'm working on, like how corporate tax rates affect where multinational entities choose to locate legal ownership of their patents and other intangible assets, and whoever is listening to me talk about it has NO idea if what I'm saying is true or just made up.

Anyway, I just turned in my first research paper and it was pretty awful, I really don't expect to get a good grade on it, but it's alright---like I said, it was my first paper. I'll just take it as a...LEARNING EXPERIENCE. :)

So yeah, I guess that's as good a tidbit as I can come up with right now. I will enjoy what remains of my tiny moment of rest. Aaaaaaaaand, here's a picture of whale cupcakes found on Pinterest, just because:

                                                            Source: feeuz.tumblr.com viaErin on Pinterest

"Oh right, that's why friends shouldn't date!"

I've been doing better, post-breakup, but there are a few things I miss. I promise this is one of the last posts on the subject (I still plan on sharing my breakup-getting over it-playlist, which should be helpful if I ever go through this stuff again), and it's one of those things that I just have to share on teenytinytidbits, to kinda keep it secret and let whoever reads this read it.

As you might guess from the title, I've been dealing with the consequences of being romantically involved with a friend. He was (is) a good guy, and while he claimed that he wanted to remain friends, he hasn't lived up to that friendship anymore. And that just kills me. We had several things in common, among them my favorite things in the world: Arcade Fire, Blue Moon, and math. Silly, right?

Yup, I fell in love with him at the same time I was falling in love with Arcade Fire, and it all coincidentally developed my love for Blue Moon and math. It's so weird, it feels like now that we aren't dating, these things which I still enjoy dearly make me feel like the custodial parent. Kind of like he gave up talking about or enjoying these things (publicly), giving me full custody of these quirky bonds.

I'm obviously not going to stop listening to Arcade Fire or studying math, and I most certainly won't stop enjoying Blue Moon when the occasion calls for it, but I can't keep from feeling slightly wistful and like something's amiss when I encounter these things.

I just wish we could still hang out and share these pleasures together. Learn from the things we went through so we could have a stronger friendship. But I guess I can't really do anything else about it, if he's just becoming another distant memory.

In happier news, God willing, I'll get through this tough school week and enjoy a much deserved Spring Break, and by enjoy, I mean I get to work-work and then finish my Transfer Pricing paper. Woohooooooo! Things should be getting better from here. :)

Too much

Hi everyone,

I'm still alive, but terribly occupied with school work and work-work. It's awful, but I keep telling myself things will clear up and I will soon be able to relax. (Ha, I know it's all illusion, I won't be able to truly relax [if that's even possible] until early May.)

Truly, it's been awful. In the course of the past two weeks, I've gone through the end of a relationship that was just about to blossom, I became very ill, and now I find myself trying to find happy endings for my friends, since I can't seem to have my own. All while keeping up with the reading assignments for my classes. :(

There's been lots of crying, frustration, anger, and just total detachment from things I used to enjoy, but I am trying my best to keep a positive outlook. Stuff like this happens, I have come to terms with the fact that I genuinely felt love and affection for a really nice guy. That was the hardest part for me, admitting I felt something. So you can imagine how horrible it was to all of a sudden be rejected by the guy I thought had felt something for me too. I honestly think there was something more to why he just ended things with me, but what can we do, right?

We're supposed to still be friends and whatever, and while I've genuinely tried to pass over this awkward phase in our friendship, he's not being as cooperative. I really don't want this to become another "brock" thing (this is what I'm calling that thing, it's not like the former-love-of-my-life reads this). But I don't know what I'll do if I see this recent ex with another girl or whatever. I don't think I can handle it, at least not for the time being.

And so, I've been distracting myself from all this ache by studying studying studying, stressing about studying, turning in homework assignments and listening to music. I've tried talking with friends, but not one of them truly understands the situation I'm in, both in my [lack of]-love life and in my academic pursuits. Remind me to laugh at all of this when this is over.

I'm sorry, you guys, this post has just been terribly sad. I'll do better on the next post.