"Oh right, that's why friends shouldn't date!"

I've been doing better, post-breakup, but there are a few things I miss. I promise this is one of the last posts on the subject (I still plan on sharing my breakup-getting over it-playlist, which should be helpful if I ever go through this stuff again), and it's one of those things that I just have to share on teenytinytidbits, to kinda keep it secret and let whoever reads this read it.

As you might guess from the title, I've been dealing with the consequences of being romantically involved with a friend. He was (is) a good guy, and while he claimed that he wanted to remain friends, he hasn't lived up to that friendship anymore. And that just kills me. We had several things in common, among them my favorite things in the world: Arcade Fire, Blue Moon, and math. Silly, right?

Yup, I fell in love with him at the same time I was falling in love with Arcade Fire, and it all coincidentally developed my love for Blue Moon and math. It's so weird, it feels like now that we aren't dating, these things which I still enjoy dearly make me feel like the custodial parent. Kind of like he gave up talking about or enjoying these things (publicly), giving me full custody of these quirky bonds.

I'm obviously not going to stop listening to Arcade Fire or studying math, and I most certainly won't stop enjoying Blue Moon when the occasion calls for it, but I can't keep from feeling slightly wistful and like something's amiss when I encounter these things.

I just wish we could still hang out and share these pleasures together. Learn from the things we went through so we could have a stronger friendship. But I guess I can't really do anything else about it, if he's just becoming another distant memory.

In happier news, God willing, I'll get through this tough school week and enjoy a much deserved Spring Break, and by enjoy, I mean I get to work-work and then finish my Transfer Pricing paper. Woohooooooo! Things should be getting better from here. :)

Things I do in the office...

Well, I have zero dogs at the moment, so does that imply that all it takes is ONE dog for me to become a "crazy dog lady"? (Source.)

...to distract myself when there is no work to be done:

1. Repeat phrases in my head.

Example: in contemplating the title of this post, "things I do in the office...things I do in the office...things I do in the office..."

2. Move my head in all directions, like a bird.

3. Drink water.

4. Refill my water bottle when it is empty.

5. Go through Pinterest and laugh (sometimes too loudly), pin, repin, like, at the "humor" pins.

6. Listen to music on Spotify (regular business hours haha).

7. Think about awkward moments in my life.

Example: like when I used to wear the "slim fit" jeans in middle school, even worse that I would wear a black belt and black dress shoes with white socks along with those jeans. Or like when I unconsciously make weird faces at friends/co-workers/strangers who are not in the "super-secret-approved-Euni-list-of-people list."

8. Read the good old "Mathematics for Economists" textbook. Guaranteed oodles and oodles of fun.

9. Daydream. --- Well, we all know I do that even if there is work to be done. I think I am 75% in daydream mode, and that's not taking actual bedtime slumber into account.

10. Walk around the office, stretch, balance on one leg, pretending to be a flamingo.

Now, my distraction activities aren't just limited to the above list; I have been known to apply unnecessary amounts of chapstick, browse online for dresses, look at webcomics, play with Google maps, cut out funny pictures from the junk mail the office receives, draw and color dinosaurs, etc. Wow, when I mention all the things I do when I'm not working, my job sounds super awesome. But don't think that I neglect my work; I just that efficient that I have so much extra time on my hands.

Frogger

I had some extra time on my hands at work, so I went to XKCD and kept hitting the random button. Then I found this one:



Frogger (you should probably click on the image for a better look!)


The first time I saw this particular comic I was surrounded by such blissful memories. I should have known then that things were working out with the former-love-of-my-life, and that I could have spoken about my feelings with certainty and confidence.

He was good back then. I am trying not to be upset at myself for remembering my time with him, it's okay for me to go through little phases like these, things always get better. So bear with me, everyone, if I seem quiet and more reserved than usual, I'm just getting through this little episode.

I started grad school this week, and wow, it IS going to be tough. But I'm about 97% sure I'll be able to handle the full-time coursework along with the 40-hour work weeks...YAY LEARNING EXPERIENCES.

(I need to start writing and reading more!)

Consolidating Lotsa Posts into One

Hi everyone! Allow me to share my usual reason/excuse for the scarce posts: I've been busy with school and work and other junk...right? Yup. But this time I'd like to add in that I was scrambling all over the place getting a few last things ready for my grad school application. And now I can finally say that everything's been turned in...and I wait, with almost-nauseous anxiety, to hear back from the university.

Anyway, rather than inundating your feeds with several new posts, I'm just gonna consolidate lotsa tiny posts into one...hence this post's title "Consolidating Lotsa Posts into One," just in case y'all couldn't make the connection, but I know y'all are very smart and awesome cookies and now I'm just rambling. Sorry. Also, I'm numbering my tiny posts with hopefully interesting mini-titles? We'll see, you can skip them if you don't think they'll be worth reading hahaha.

SUPER EDIT: I was supposed to post this LAST week, but this thing called life got in the way, in a good way though! Anyway, now I'm just briefly touching on the consolidated posts. I'm sorry I teased y'all with everything, but I'm gonna try to limit each tiny post to just a few sentences. I'm telling myself that I'll know what I'm talking about, if/when I look back on this post, but we'll see.


1. an old dear finance friend

I miss my old dear finance friend, like crazy, and I know why. I hope he's doing well in law school.


2. crazy cold efficiency mode

I adore this beautiful Fall weather (who doesn't!?), but because of the colder temperatures, my body is going into efficiency mode. Hello cold limbs.


3. lotsa

Deciding to consolidate "lotsa" posts into one brought along the memory of one of my favorite econ professors. She was awesome, super intelligent and eloquent, and she loved using the term "lotsa" when giving her lectures. I hope I can be like her when I grow up.


4. breathing

I never really gave breathing a second thought; it's an automatic and totally natural thing we all do, but when you feel someone else's breathing go along with yours, it's overwhelming. Time is measured by the flow of air, no longer mere numbers.


I PROMISE I'll share something unofficially official in the super near future, like maybe tonight or by tomorrow afternoon. I just have a few things to do to be certainly-sure that I'm not sharing a lie or whatever; if my unofficially official announcement is true-true, I'll be feeling even better than I have these past couple of days, especially regarding the point of taking all these calculus courses. WHATEVER, y'all will know soon enough! :)

P.S. How about those election results, hmmmm? More on that later!

P.P.S. What the hell, lemme just write the unofficially official news now: I've been admitted to the grad school program that I applied for. I'm totally excited, totally scared of what's next, and totally ready to get my hands dirty with Economics again. We can't full-on celebrate yet, I still have to talk with the advisor, move things around to ensure I can still work, go to yoga, and go to school without a snag, oh yeah, and to figure out if I'm getting any scholarships and financial aid........oh boy, I'm getting dizzy just thinking about all of this. But it's worth it! :D

P.P.P.S. One last thing: I'm catching up with my blog reading list, so don't think I've forgotten y'all!!! :)

Tuesday Tunesday: Flesh and Bone

Greetings, I know, it's been like forever since I've shared a music-video post...not to name any names (ahem ahem Calculus), I have been a little busy at the start of every week, and by the time I get to the end of the week I'm caught up with other (sometimes unnecessary, othertimes quite worth it) stuff. Anywayyyyyyyy, the following song really fits in with the situation I'm in, well, this mini-phase within a phase in my second decade of life, I guess.



I really love The Killers, by the way, and lately I've been listening to them all day long at work. And in the car. And as I go to bed. And in my head. To be honest, I had been going through a Mumford & Sons phase (you know, since Babel came out not too long ago), and I love them too, like a loooooooooooooot, but my previous thoughts and musings led me back to The Killers. Y'all didn't need to know this little tidbit of information, but it's okay!

I was going to share Romeo and Juliet, but I couldn't find a decent version online, and also because it was too much of a potential foreshadowing on my part. (I'll share this much about it: I'd heard the song before, but I pretended I had never heard it when I was in the car with my friend, just so he could give me his interpretation of it...)

Anyway, till next time!

On Second Thought, I Change My Mind

It's true, I've been thinking about the same thing over and over again all week. I had made plans to meet with a very special friend, but because of internal tensions back home, I had to cancel on him. I didn't want to cancel or anything, but I also didn't want to upset the current still-unstable ceasefire at home. (That's a looooooooong story, but I won't divulge those details anytime soon, definitely not today.)

Oh sure, I apologized via text (we never really talk on the phone...who uses cell phones to talk anyway, right?) but received no response, which usually doesn't matter to me, you know, but I dunno why it bothered me this time around.

This is how bothered I was...in my mind.

Yup, I was fretting about it, which is totally annoying; I don't like it when people feel sad about this sort of stuff, so imagine how angry I become at myself when I do this. I felt guilty about cancelling plans, I felt guilty about feeling sad, I felt angry for being sad, and I felt angry for feeling angry at being sad!!!!! It never ends with me, you know, once I start feeling "bad things" it just gets worse and worse and

w

   o

      r
      
       s

         e.

Aaaaaaaaand, if you've read any of my posts relating to heart break, sadness, or any of that gushy love stuff, then you would know the worst of the worst possible feelings and thoughts that could appear in my poor poor mind and mess me up (emotionally) completely. Yup, I remembered those feelings of rejection from the former-love-of-my-love. GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH.

It's gross, I know. So I spiraled down and down until I started listening to sad songs that made things even worse. I didn't want to eat. I didn't want to do my hair. I didn't want to study. I didn't want to watch tv. I just wanted to stand, look off into space, and wallow in my cave of sadness.

But then...

God said, (this seems like the logical thing he would say, in my opinion), "Hey, that Euni girl has had a tough time lately. Maybe, maybe, I could bring in that beautiful Fall weather she loves so much a little sooner than expected?"

And that's what happened. The sky is once again that deep, neverending shade of pristine and true blue. A gentle cooling breeze playfully sways the trees around every so often. I hungrily breathe in the crisp air, fill up my lungs and sigh. I could seriously just sit outside all day long, alone, at peace. This natural beauty is briefly overwhelming, but truly something that keeps me going.

That little knot in my throat and heart, you know, that "heartachy" one, is still there, but I don't care anymore. There are so many beautiful and happy things out there that make me realize I shouldn't let feeling "bad things" get in my way.

Dreamin' Dancin'

It's been what...like two or so weeks...?...since I last wrote. Do I feel terrible about it? Just a little, but I've been transitioning to Fall-mode, and that means lots and lots of daydreams, singing, humming, driving, and apparently, also dancing.

Ha, not in real life in public...yet. But dancing has begun to creep into my dreams as of late. Allow me to share the weirdest dream I've had this year:

So I'm walking around with some family, headed to a public library (which as far as I know, does not exist), and blah blah blah---this part's not too important---the POINT is, leaving the library, we're walking towards our car (which is not a car we have), when I see a ruffian in a hooded robe coming closer and closer to us. My first thoughts: hmm, is it Halloween already? Let's pretend we're not scared by his hooded attire and walk away. But then...I see this miscreant pull out a crowbar and start trying to break into our car! I became upset and started running at him, ready to attack. It's at this moment that I realize I'm wearing heels but I try to ignore this little detail. The miscreant looks intimidated, drops the crowbar, and starts running away. I yell out "Yeah bastard, you better run away!" but this is a bad choice on my part, because he heads back our way. The miscreant booms "YOU WANNA FIGHT?" To which I say, "Yeah let's fight!...DANCE FIGHT!"

It's at this moment that I break out in some awkward and probably really dumb (even for dream standards) dance. And I'm humming my own beat to get some rhythm flowing. I finish my dance and then it's the miscreant's turn. He breaks out his own routine. Meanwhile, my mind is concocting a way to distract him from hurting us, and when he finishes, I say, "See? You are good at something!" And then I wake up.

This is how I felt in my dream...(source via)

But that's not all. Right before I woke up this morning, I recall the following:

I'm in my childhood home, in the kitchen, and I tell my younger sister to video record me while I twirl around in the air like some sort of ballerina. She obeys and when I'm done twirling, I see the recording. I'm like a magical twirler, because I seriously propel myself in the air and stay afloat twirling for what seems a really long time. Then my grandmother (who is a very small woman) does it too!! And all I can say to myself is "Wow, must be genetic!"

Yup, now I feel like dancing. Anything really, even though I'm a terrible dancer...though I will admit, when I consciously fully decide to dance ridiculously, that's when everyone else think I'm doing a good job. Whatever, it still feels weird to me!

Mints vs Chocolates

"Really good chocolates."

A verbal exchange between two children, aged 5 and 10 years old, and three adults:

5-year-old: Why can't I have a mint? I won't choke on it!

Mother: Yes you will, you know you're not allowed to eat mints until you're 6 years old. (then tells the two other adults) We have a rule at our house---you can't eat mints until you're 6.

Other adults: Oh yes, that's a great idea (murmured in agreement).

{5-year-old pouts.}

Lady adult: Hey, you got chocolates earlier today anyway! And they were really good chocolates too!

Guy adult: Oh yeah, and lemme tell you, chocolates are way better than mints. Like two times better than mints.

10-year-old: Nuh-uhhhh, more like ten times better than mints. So lemme get ten mints now {starts counting out mints from the mint bowl at work} One, two, three

Adults (altogether): BAHAHAHAHA

Needless to say, I think the 5-year-old got over it, and the 10-year-old got to show his snappy cleverness. I sometimes wonder: how come my parents never paid attention to all the witty things 5-year-old Euni would say? I'm sure I'd have a book-full of notable quotes and witty bon mots....surely I would.

Happy Friday! :)

Freckles

It's Saturday afternoon, that moment of the day that is borderline schizophrenic. Do I decide to waste away the rest of the day, being lazy and working on calculus homework, brooding on rather trifling yet seemingly important thoughts and emotions? Or do I choose instead to laugh it all off and explore the rest of what Saturday has in store for me?

I think today I'll choose the latter. Even though I'm pretty tired. This summer seems to be the most sun-filled season of my entire life. I haven't ridden my bike in a couple of weeks, but it's because I'm rarely home long enough to rest up and go out to the park/trails. With calculus and yoga filling up my evenings after work, the only purpose my home seems to have is to provide a place for sleep. Saturday mornings start with yoga too, and then a quick breakfast before we go to the park with the little cousins. The familiar semi-nostalgic smell of sunblock on our skins, the increasingly warm embrace of the sun greeting our faces, we smile, carefree and young, in return.

We don't take pictures. We don't record our memories with videos. All I have to show for this summer-long adventure are scars and freckles. I like that.

Music Monday: Breathing Underwater

Happy Music Monday [evening] to all! I can't believe I haven't purchased Metric's new album Synthetica...I really must do that within the week! It's kind of lovely and refreshing to get some new stuff from this awesome band...their last album, Fantasies, meant a lot to me (two years ago), and now that I am perfectly contently alright, it feels like Metric has joined me in the next phase of my life. Anyway, I haven't gotten a chance to listen to the entire album, but I gotta say, Breathing Underwater has instantly become my favorite. Enjoy :)

The Suburbs

Happy Music Monday! I apologize for my disappearance from teenytinytidbits; I would've written more---actually, I had planned on finally sharing my birthday-goings-on and my blurry (but nonetheless kinda cool because I can still remember fondly) pictures from the Death Cab For Cutie concert...but anyway, I never should plan things because they never turn out the way I expect them to.

Anyway, today, I'm dedicating this Music Monday to a very special, kinda creepy but pretty cool (overall) guy who I briefly loved. It's one of those ephemeral feelings, no one ever finds out about them, and then I forget about those feelings and remember them two years later. Two summers ago I was pretty crazy, but it was all good fun. While I was falling deeper and deeper into my the bottomless pit that was my "interaction/relationship" with the former-love-of-my-life, I was also talking with a few other young fellows, who eventually didn't make the cut...let's just say that this creepy but cool (overall) guy has become a still creepy but still cool (overall) friend.

So here you go, creepy but cool (overall) guy, if you happen to read this today: by Arcade Fire, The Suburbs. ;)

Music Monday: Mountain Sound

Happy Music Monday!!!

I'm ready to travel a bit, how about y'all?? :) :) :)

I heard about Of Monsters and Men when the local radio station played "Little Talks." I took a liking to that song and decided to listen to their album. Immediately fell in love with it, purchased it, and have been listening to it non-stop. Personally, today's Music Monday song is my favorite. Enjoy :)

Music Monday: Meet Me On the Equinox

Two things: I'm a terrible person, and yeah, I totally am sharing a song that was on one of the Twilight soundtracks.

First thing first, some Death Cab For Cutie (looking forward to this Thursday!!!):



Second, so you know how in my previous post I was blabbing on and on about how it was my 99th---and that my next one (the 100th) was gonna be AWESOME and PURR-FECT??? Yeah, well, like always, whenever I make plans they don't work out. SOOOOO, now awesome 100th post. Instead you get another Music Monday post. BUT...the next one---the 101st post---will be great, and definitely worth the wait and worth a read once I publish it! I promise, it'll be here by THIS Wednesday. I PROMISE!! :)

Anyway, HAPPY 100TH POST, TEENY TINY TIDBITS!

I've never read this book, but it has its purpose.

It's been enlightening being able to write and share my thoughts, struggles, and daydreams with you all. And it's been interesting (to me at least) to see how I've evolved (a bit) in my writing. I'm getting better, though there is still a long way to go. I love having a bit of consistency---through the Music Monday segments---while everything else just kind of happens as it...well, happens. I also love how having a blog has led me to stumble upon other quirky, insightful, and really just great blogs and people. You guys are all awesome! :)

I'm looking forward to the next 100 posts (AND getting to meet new people and friends)!