Birthday Post!

Happy birthday to meeeee. Wheeeeee.

So I've been 25 years old for a week and one day now, and I don't feel any different really...25 seems so strange a concept to me: it's right in the middle of your 20s, the truest quarterlife-crisis number, the year when you can rent a car and have lower car insurance and stuff.

Hmph, I should rent a car.

This post should be about my birthday, the anniversary of my birth, the number of times I've revolved around the sun completely. 25. In three more 25-year segments I'll be 100. If I were a coin, I'd be 1/4 of a dollar. Why the comparisons? Why the fractions and mathematical breakdown of an age?

The squirrel makes sense. Just keep reading.

I dunno really. But it's really quite alright. And I don't think the actual celebration that took place on my birthday serves as a foreshadowing representation of my 25th year as a whole. [Does that sentence even make sense?] Anyway, in a nutshell:

• I woke up to get ready for work (because my boss didn't approve my request for the day off.
• My mother was sick, and my younger sister was dead asleep, so nobody sang happy birthday in the morning.
• Nobody seemed to care that it was my birthday, I don't even think I cared about it.
• It was pretty rainy on my way to work, and as I made my way down the usual route, a squirrel jumped in front of my car and I killed it.
• The sudden death of the squirrel caused me to laugh and cry, simultaneously.
• Work was lame and not busy at all, hahahaha. And for the birthday lunch we had pizza. I also received a few gifts and birthday cards.
• I left work and went home. We "celebrated" my birthday by eating cake with some of my close family. Then everyone left because more storms were on their way.
• My younger sister and I drove around for a bit, just before the storms hit...a small hurrah for being a year older.

And that was it. 25. I would like to say that my birthday was amazing and stuff like that, but it wasn't. But I was okay with it. Every day for the past month-and-a-half has been amazing enough, feeling love from all different places, that I can't keep myself from smiling!

Summer's gonna be awesome.

P.S. Out of all the presents I received for my birthday, I STILL DID NOT RECEIVE A BLACK LABRADOR PUPPY!!! I guess I'll have to get one myself...one of these days BAYBAYYSSSS...one of these days.

This would be a picture of my black lab puppy...IF I HAD ONE!!!!!

Tuesday Tunesday: Who Knows Who Cares

Hi everybody!!! I'm finally back from an accidental hiatus of sorts, done with my first semester of grad school and stuff like that!

I have so much free time now that I don't even know what to do with it. Oh sure, I still go to work Monday-Friday, but it's such an easy job that I usually finish my work tasks with so much time left over. During the spring semester, I'd fill in that free time with study/homework time. I've been making myself busy, but there's really only so much I can do...

Having been busy with school stuff though, I completely neglected the fact that my birthday is creeping up on me. (It's tomorrow by the way, and I dunno how to feel about it!) And so, I scrambled around trying to request the day off from work (my boss didn't approve the request), buy my birthday dress (I didn't succeed in getting the one I originally wanted, but I got a worthy substitute), and plan something to do for the weekend celebration of it (which is currently not going very well).

Boy, the way that paragraph looks, I sound lame and superficial. It's not as bad as it sounds. Honestly, I just want to spend my birthday with my mother and sisters (and hopefully that'll happen alright tomorrow after work). The way things have been lately with my friends though...that's a different story. I don't think it's anyone's fault, we've all just been doing our own thing; the girls in the "gang" have been hanging out more while I've been stuck in grad school, the guys have been doing their own thing...I look back at last summer and how we were all on good terms, hanging out during the weekends, feeling young and free and stuff!

Anyway, I need to cheer up! And really, I've been feeling pretty awesome the past month or so---I still don't quite comprehend how I started out April quite miserable and heartbroken but now I'm in the middle of May and quite content with how things have been going. I've been trying a few new things here and there; I'm also in the beautiful happy stage of a new relationship (seriously, this awesome guy I'm seeing is pretty amazing, and nothing like the complicated relationships I've been in before). However, that's not the point of this post. The point is, and I'm glad I chose to share Local Natives' Who Knows Who Cares, that I just need to go along with whatever happens, reminding myself to enjoy every moment (good and bad).

We'll see how year twenty-five goes. I think I'll start that fun job search again; I wanna get out of this complacency, you know?! I wanna move out (on my own?), I wanna get a dog, I wanna visit Seattle (and the rest of the world)!

So dear friends of the virtual world, how's life been for y'all lately?? I'm gonna start catching up on my blog readings and I can't wait to see what y'all have been up to! :)

The BIGGEST Day of the Semester

Hi everybody!

Things have been swirling around in my life lately, and I have little time to just sit back and relax and think about everything. It's okay though, in the past two months I've finally gotten over my most recent break up and I've gotten through (ALIVE!!!) the heaviest parts of the Spring semester.

Now all that awaits is...the BIG CASE STUDY PRESENTATION. I won't bore y'all with the details (if anyone has stuck around to read my intermittent posts), but this is it! It's this group project I've been working on almost all semester, and this Thursday is the evening we present in class! Sure, the downside is that I have to miss the Lumineers' concert, but I'm trying to "keep my head up" by making it the BEST presentation ever given on the SUPER-FUN subject of Transfer Pricing.

Yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, we'll see how it goes.

After that presentation, I have two final exams for my other two classes and then two more papers to turn in for Transfer Pricing. And then I'll be FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

I am very happy with all the stuff I've gone through this entire semester, with life and academia and whatnot, and I am ready to embrace what's coming next!!

I can't wait till I have so much more free time again so I can write and read more blog posts and articles and books and lots of other stuff too! :D

Till next time you guys!!

P.S. That word "BIGGEST" in the title looks weird, right??

"nothing you say ever makes sense"

Hiya everybody! It's been far too long since I last updated teenytinytidbits, and y'all know the reason behind my absence. It's funny how unprepared I truly was (and continue to be) for grad school, but it's all worth it; at least, it seems like it's worth it at this point in time.

I've been totally immersed in the math econ class in particular, though the last couple of weeks have been consumed by the fascinating subject of TRANSFER PRICING. It's definitely as cool as it sounds but totally not fun trying to explain what it is to my friends and family. The deeper I delve into my studies, the crazier it seems that nobody else in my close circle of loved ones understands what the hell I'm talking about. Yup, I'm becoming that weirdo family member, the one who never seems like she's completely there-there...lately, my Potato Cousin enjoys the following quip about me: "We love you because nothing you say ever makes sense."

Greaaaaaaat! I'll take that as a compliment, thank you very much! I'm embracing this new kind of weirdness and taking it for what it is. I can talk about stuff I'm working on, like how corporate tax rates affect where multinational entities choose to locate legal ownership of their patents and other intangible assets, and whoever is listening to me talk about it has NO idea if what I'm saying is true or just made up.

Anyway, I just turned in my first research paper and it was pretty awful, I really don't expect to get a good grade on it, but it's alright---like I said, it was my first paper. I'll just take it as a...LEARNING EXPERIENCE. :)

So yeah, I guess that's as good a tidbit as I can come up with right now. I will enjoy what remains of my tiny moment of rest. Aaaaaaaaand, here's a picture of whale cupcakes found on Pinterest, just because:

                                                            Source: feeuz.tumblr.com viaErin on Pinterest

Tuesday Tunesday: Beta Love

It's Tuesday, and I can honestly say that this week is chugging along a whole lot better than last week. For one thing, this evening's class was *ahem* unfortunately cancelled because the professor's flight was *ahem* unfortunately cancelled. LOL.

So, before I continue with my studying, I'm taking some time to share today's Tuesday Tunesday: the title song from Ra Ra Riot's new album Beta Love. I've just barely started listening to this album, I like it enough to give it a few more listens and we'll go from there.

Hmmm, let me share something that happened today, I'm trying to make teenytinytidbits more lighthearted and full of more stories and random anecdotes or whatever. Ok, so today felt like an April Spring day, like right before a huge thunderstorm rolls on through town. There was a light pleasant breeze as I made my way to my car in the morning, and the clouds were coming majestically together to cover my entire route to work in a deep and mesmerizing coat of gentlemanly grey. I love those kinds of clouds, that kind of sky.

The meteorologist had announced that there would be a slight chance of thunderstorms in the early part of the day today; when the early part of the day passed on by without a drop of rain, I was disappointed. I love it when it storms around here, especially when those storms bring about a hint of Spring. I know, we're still far from Spring, but this is Texas, and I have had enough cold to last me the entire year thank you very much. Anyway, the hours passed along uneventfully, for the most part, and then suddenly, about an hour and a half before clocking out, the gentlemanly grey clouds paid us another visit.

It poured. No, it spilled all over us. So much rain, so many resulting puddles for my Jeep to drive through like a rugged all-terrain adventurer, well, as far as my imagination was concerned. It was glorious. A much welcomed cleansing.

But the storm brought along its friend, the cold front, which isn't so bad I guess, I mean, it's not like it's freezing or anything like that. Also, the rain has stopped now for sure, and tomorrow we'll probably see the sun again.

And tomorrow, TOMORROW, is Wednesday, already. Wow, right? Last week took its sweet time to end, and this week is just flying by, not even stopping to have a cup of coffee with me or chatting about how it's doing. Oh well, it's okay, January is almost over, and I want to say goodbye to it already.

Hmm, I guess this is where my post ends tonight. I'll make an effort to write tomorrow too! :) Hope y'all have been having a better week too!

Tuesday Tunesday: Une Année Sans Lumière

Hey, it's Tuesday, and I'm taking a tiny break from studying for "Mathematical Economics," which gives me good reason to share another song with y'all. It might be no surprise, but it is another Arcade Fire song, one that has lately made me feel oddly at peace with the goings-on around me.

Now, I don't know all the lyrics and background information to this song, but it does bring to mind Plato's Allegory of the Cave...maybe I'm thinking too much into it hahaha. Oh yeah, and it has a bit of French in it too (which I don't know how to speak/read/write!) Enjoy!



A lot can happen in a matter of days (well, if I want to stretch out the time span, a couple of weeks), and I've reached a fork in the road (so to speak), and I'm indifferent between the two [basic] choices (and consequently the two potential outcomes). On the one hand I could have affection and more time invested with the guy I care about; on the other, there would be no need for me to further develop my feelings for that same guy. Obviously I'd much rather not even dwell on this little situation, and as the days progress I'm leaning more and more towards not seeing him (exclusively, romantically, whatever) and just moving on.

My relapse (on dwelling on the former-love-of-my-life) has nothing to do with my current thoughts, but I think I might have mentioned it here before: if I had already fought with all my might for the [former-]love-of-my-life, why should I even fight for this new guy (when I don't even know if he's anything special)?

It sounds awful, I know, but sometimes we just have to face reality and make decisions that will, in the long-run, be the best decisions for all of us. I wouldn't mind, of course, taking our relationship to the next level (gosh that phrasing sounds so trite and annoying), but only if I can trust his sincerity and supposed affections for me. I dunno, with school and work and all the other stuff in between, y'all might agree that I should just let this situation go. How about I just decide to not think about this stuff for the rest of the week (at least)? We'll go from there.

Here's to hoping for more interesting and happier things for the rest of the week! :)

Weeeeeee 2013

Source: lilluna.com via Denise on Pinterest

Ha, so maybe I'm a little late in writing the quintessential New Year's Day post---in which I share with y'all all the important life lessons I've learned throughout the year, as well as the resolutions I followed through on and what this new year's resolutions are---but it's okay because this is teenytinytidbits, and I do what I want and post when I feel like it. :)

At the end of 2011, I had the following not-so-obligatory resolutions set out for myself:

• to travel at least once in 2012,
• to go back to school in the Fall,
• to continue yoga classes,
• to find a better job, AND
• to learn how to ride a bicycle.

Oh, and I told myself it was quite alright that I hadn't learned how to dance. Hmmm, you know what, you guys??? I actually accomplished MOST of those resolutions in 2012. Well, except for the whole finding a better job thing, BUT as I stated back then, I wasn't in any real hurry to find one. I also travelled (not to Seattle) to Mexico at the end of the year. {don't you worry, my dear city, I will visit you this year.} With regards to school, we all know how that went: I started taking classes last summer, and now I've managed to get myself into graduate school (btw, classes start next Monday)! I also continued my yoga practice. AAAAAAAAAAND, crazy crazy crazy, I actually learned how to ride a bicycle. I think riding a bike is actually my most proudest moment of 2012. Like for-real-for-real.

Oh yeah, and while I still haven't formally learned how to dance, I have become more comfortable of just going crazy, letting go, and dancing my shoes off, and I've actually been admired and complimented for my dance moves HAHAHAHA.

Wow, when I look at all my accomplished resolutions, I feel, well, accomplished. Oh sure, 2012 had its dark moments (had my car totaled on the first day of 2012, found out the former-love-of-my-life got engaged, blah blah blah), but it also had magnificent moments, like going out with friends and lovers, listening to amazing new music, and forming new loving memories with really special people.

I still have a lot to learn and do in life, but lemme see, lemme see, what should my resolutions for 2013 be? Let's keep it simple and relaxed this year too, I give better results when I left to my own devices. Ok, well, I want to continue my yoga practice, but to be more specific, I want to be able to do the "camel pose" without getting dizzy. I want to have an awesome first semester of grad school, so I will strive to have all A's in my courses (we'll see how it all goes, I'm just gonna try my best). I also want to run a 5K...don't know which 5K event I will try to do, probably the balloon festival 5K this summer...Also, sure I've learned how to ride a bike, but I want to get better at riding my bicycle. Hmmm, and I should go to more concerts, if anyone good comes along :)

And...one last resolution...though it's not a mandatory one, but I really would like this one to come true this year...I want to move out and live on my own. Completely depend only on myself. Have a place to call my own, freely decorate it my way, have my own dishware, experiment with weird food concoctions (or eat cereal whenever I feel like it!)...

2012, I loved you. You were exactly what I thought you would be. I'll miss you, but I'm ready to meet 2013 and enjoy the new adventures that await. I'm ready to learn, love, and live some more. I hope everyone has a great new year!!!

P.S. My last post of 2012 mentioned an accident I was in. I'm happy to report that it has all been resolved: the other party's insurance paid for my Jeep's repairs and now I'm back to driving and singing my favorite songs! :)

That's just CRAY CRAY

From xkcd. I should just wear this print on a shirt or badge...

I meant to write about something else (and earlier in the week), but this week has just been a little out of sorts, and it's really testing my ability to be flexible and resilient in every situation I encounter.

First off, I haven't been to yoga all week, and that makes me terribly sad; I like the feeling of going to yoga, and I was supposed to go yesterday after work, but then I got in a car accident and that just ruined my schedule for the rest of the evening. Nobody got hurt, some girl wasn't paying attention to the traffic and rammed (yes, the pickup truck rammed, like a big old ram) into the back of my poor Jeep. It's a good thing I have a Jeep; it scares me to think what would've happened to me if I still drove a little 4-cylinder Toyota Yaris. I know everything with regards to the body repairs to my car will be fixed, it's no big deal, it wasn't my fault or anything, but the fright always gets to me. All these what-ifs and scary thoughts are jarring and really test my patience and my ability to remain calm.

But it's okay. If anything, this little blip on my life's timeline has just served to show me how much my family and friends love me. They love me even though I'm kind of strange (ha, I had to find a way to tie in that xkcd comic). Anyway, I'll just let this cray cray stuff slide off me while I continue to smile and sing along to my favorite songs as I drive home.

150 and Counting

HEY YOU GUYS GUESS WHAT???

THIS IS OFFICIALLY MY 150TH POST ON TEENYTINYTIDBITS.

Source: catchmyparty.com via Catch My Party on Pinterest

It's kind of exciting really. So exciting in fact, that I had to search on Pinterest for a nice virtual cake to celebrate. Isn't it fancy??? :)

Anyway, I guess I'll take a break from my studying and share a little of what's been going on in behind the scenes of teenytinytidbits...it's been quite a roller coaster, but I think things are getting a little better. Well, that is what I'm telling myself, life has been kind of tough here and there, and as I've been exploring my inner self (my thoughts, feelings, meanings, etc.), I am beginning to realize that there are a few things I need to take care of. The most complicated and difficult thing is, I believe, the clash between who I really am and who I strive to be around my friends, co-workers, and family. I'm such an introvert, and while I've been progressing bit by bit in hanging out more with friends, there are times when I just need to recuperate, contemplate my life, alone. I'm quite reserved and prefer to hold out on talking until it really is necessary to do so.

Now, I'm not saying being an introvert is bad---I love being a reserved individual---but these past couple of weeks I've seen the downside of introversion; because I tend to keep to myself (I rarely discuss my true feelings and reactions with those I love), I may be a little late on making a new relationship work out. Rational-me says I shouldn't worry or put too much thought into this, but when I have I ever really listened to Rational-me when it comes to love?

Anyway, since the start of this lovely month of December, I have decided to go through a mini-transformation of sorts. Well, more of a reconstruction: investing time, thought, and care into myself. I'm nourishing my mind and body through reading unassigned literature, going to yoga, and giving myself things I want and deserve. The yoga has helped tremendously; as I have become physically stronger, yoga has also allowed a wave of emotions to come over me, and it's forcing me to decipher what's going on inside my mind. I am choosing to figure out what I feel and why I feel that way. I've been reading another Raymond Chandler mystery, for fun, just because! Aaaaaand, while I haven't been shopping for new clothes and stuff, I have decided to dress up every now and then for the hell of it; I like using fashion (though an amateur I bet) as an art experiment on myself; it's been fun!

And so, I guess it's kind of cool that I'm sharing all this jumbled mess on my 150th post. I know struggles lie ahead, but I'm not hiding or running away from them. Just a request, if y'all happen to read my future posts and if they seem to be too sad or depressed, or even just plain apathetic, please, PLEASE snap me out of it. I'll accept any criticism and suggestions. :)

Have a lovely start of the week!

Am I Learning?

I think I'm getting better at accepting the good things that have come my way lately. I can now officially say that I am in fact going to grad school in January 2013. I know, I'm still terrified out of my mind, and my feeling of terror reminded me of the mini panic attack I had in May, before I started the "summer of math" and all of the adventures I've had since then. However, the terror is made less, uhm, terrifying (forgive the unnecessary redundancy) by the fact that I am happy. I feel more confident too, confident in my intelligence and renewed hope.

There are a few minor differences this time around, regarding going back to school. The most important difference is I'm not afraid to admit that I don't know what I'm doing; I just know that I love Economics, I know what interests me in the field, and I'm just going to roll with whatever happens. Compare that to the start of my undergrad, boy was I crazy. 18-year-old Euni knew, just knew, that she was going to major in Marketing and get some fancy-schmancy job after graduation. HA. HA. HA. I do admire younger-me's passion though, and I feel like I'm regaining some of that passion and focusing it in a more positive way.

With regards to love, too, I've been struggling a bit more in accepting it for what it is. It's okay for me to love someone, and it's okay for that someone to love me back. I don't need to runaway or mask my fears with indifference. Like seriously, a really funny thing happened recently, in which God played a good-natured joke on me, just so I could realize that I didn't need to run away, but I'll relate that story another time.

Of course, being the overly cautious girl that I am, I can't say for sure that I've learned all that I needed to learn; there are still countless things for me to experience and learn from, and that is quite alright. Also, if I go through another rough patch, I'm okay with that, because I know things will always get better.

For this moment though, however brief or long it may be, I feel like my heart's in the sky, enjoying the warm sunshine in this cold weather...or like this song. Whichever image works best for y'all :)

This is enough to...

...make me vomit. Life, I admit, has been going quite well for me right now, so my current emotional instability is making me more upset than usual.

I'll be perfectly fine, content, and full of hope and light one moment, and as if I had a switch or something, the next moment I just feel terrible. I know people love me, I know I love myself, I know God loves me, so it's perplexing to me that I feel this way.

I begin to remember the former-love-of-my-life. I don't love him anymore, I don't even miss our friendship, but something about my past interactions with him seriously messed me up.

I'm ready to embrace new love, I want to assert my affections out loud, but I know the moment I do, the former-love-of-my-life will find some way to wedge his big nose back into my recuperating life. He's done it in the past, made sure I wouldn't forget him.

That's not my fault; if anything, it just means that there's seriously something wrong with him, not me. Craving my attention in some sick twisted way.

I don't want to lose this time. I want to win. I want to break through everything that is holding me back.

I just hope my new love is willing to bear with me while I put myself back together.

Consolidating Lotsa Posts into One

Hi everyone! Allow me to share my usual reason/excuse for the scarce posts: I've been busy with school and work and other junk...right? Yup. But this time I'd like to add in that I was scrambling all over the place getting a few last things ready for my grad school application. And now I can finally say that everything's been turned in...and I wait, with almost-nauseous anxiety, to hear back from the university.

Anyway, rather than inundating your feeds with several new posts, I'm just gonna consolidate lotsa tiny posts into one...hence this post's title "Consolidating Lotsa Posts into One," just in case y'all couldn't make the connection, but I know y'all are very smart and awesome cookies and now I'm just rambling. Sorry. Also, I'm numbering my tiny posts with hopefully interesting mini-titles? We'll see, you can skip them if you don't think they'll be worth reading hahaha.

SUPER EDIT: I was supposed to post this LAST week, but this thing called life got in the way, in a good way though! Anyway, now I'm just briefly touching on the consolidated posts. I'm sorry I teased y'all with everything, but I'm gonna try to limit each tiny post to just a few sentences. I'm telling myself that I'll know what I'm talking about, if/when I look back on this post, but we'll see.


1. an old dear finance friend

I miss my old dear finance friend, like crazy, and I know why. I hope he's doing well in law school.


2. crazy cold efficiency mode

I adore this beautiful Fall weather (who doesn't!?), but because of the colder temperatures, my body is going into efficiency mode. Hello cold limbs.


3. lotsa

Deciding to consolidate "lotsa" posts into one brought along the memory of one of my favorite econ professors. She was awesome, super intelligent and eloquent, and she loved using the term "lotsa" when giving her lectures. I hope I can be like her when I grow up.


4. breathing

I never really gave breathing a second thought; it's an automatic and totally natural thing we all do, but when you feel someone else's breathing go along with yours, it's overwhelming. Time is measured by the flow of air, no longer mere numbers.


I PROMISE I'll share something unofficially official in the super near future, like maybe tonight or by tomorrow afternoon. I just have a few things to do to be certainly-sure that I'm not sharing a lie or whatever; if my unofficially official announcement is true-true, I'll be feeling even better than I have these past couple of days, especially regarding the point of taking all these calculus courses. WHATEVER, y'all will know soon enough! :)

P.S. How about those election results, hmmmm? More on that later!

P.P.S. What the hell, lemme just write the unofficially official news now: I've been admitted to the grad school program that I applied for. I'm totally excited, totally scared of what's next, and totally ready to get my hands dirty with Economics again. We can't full-on celebrate yet, I still have to talk with the advisor, move things around to ensure I can still work, go to yoga, and go to school without a snag, oh yeah, and to figure out if I'm getting any scholarships and financial aid........oh boy, I'm getting dizzy just thinking about all of this. But it's worth it! :D

P.P.P.S. One last thing: I'm catching up with my blog reading list, so don't think I've forgotten y'all!!! :)

Who Loves Jealousy?

Oh come on, we've all encountered this quaint little feeling, at some point or another. I'll be the first to admit I'm one of the most jealous people you'll ever meet. But I'm very good at hiding it.

Source: Uploaded by user via Sabrina on Pinterest

The way I see it, it's quite alright to be jealous from time to time. I can be jealous of my current lover's female friend, how witty and cute she is, but I don't really hold anything against her. Honestly I don't even know her, and if my lover decided to one day choose her over me (if that is even a conceivable thought in his mind), I would totally understand his reasoning. She's awesome. I have a feeling that she is just like me, but with added bonuses, such as: being cute, having an affinity for dancing, and being such a sociable and friendly person.

Ok, ok, so maybe I'm not giving myself enough credit for my own attributes and awesome qualities (uhm, like explaining economics, having an amazing sense of humor, and just looking pretty good when I try hahaha), but that is not the point here tonight. The point is that I'm jealous, but I only get jealous when I meet people who are slightly more awesome than myself. (There really is no way for me to not sound like superficial monster here, is there?)

Anyway, I will rarely (if ever) mention my jealousy to my lovers, because I don't ever want him to change his friendships with others because of me. I think that's lame, and it's a total turn-off when I'm expected to cut communication with my guy friends just because my lover is a little jealous. Now don't get me wrong, I like finding out that my lover is jealous. I suspect my current lover is a little jealous, but he doesn't need to be. A rule of thumb or I guess some advice from me when it comes to the strength of my affection: if I send you a random illustration, picture, witty quote, or random word...that, my lover, means you're special, and you've got nothing to worry about. :)

I apologize, dear readers, this post is pretty crappy and dumb, isn't it? You can erase these words from your minds if you want, I wouldn't blame you!

On Second Thought, I Change My Mind

It's true, I've been thinking about the same thing over and over again all week. I had made plans to meet with a very special friend, but because of internal tensions back home, I had to cancel on him. I didn't want to cancel or anything, but I also didn't want to upset the current still-unstable ceasefire at home. (That's a looooooooong story, but I won't divulge those details anytime soon, definitely not today.)

Oh sure, I apologized via text (we never really talk on the phone...who uses cell phones to talk anyway, right?) but received no response, which usually doesn't matter to me, you know, but I dunno why it bothered me this time around.

This is how bothered I was...in my mind.

Yup, I was fretting about it, which is totally annoying; I don't like it when people feel sad about this sort of stuff, so imagine how angry I become at myself when I do this. I felt guilty about cancelling plans, I felt guilty about feeling sad, I felt angry for being sad, and I felt angry for feeling angry at being sad!!!!! It never ends with me, you know, once I start feeling "bad things" it just gets worse and worse and

w

   o

      r
      
       s

         e.

Aaaaaaaaand, if you've read any of my posts relating to heart break, sadness, or any of that gushy love stuff, then you would know the worst of the worst possible feelings and thoughts that could appear in my poor poor mind and mess me up (emotionally) completely. Yup, I remembered those feelings of rejection from the former-love-of-my-love. GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH.

It's gross, I know. So I spiraled down and down until I started listening to sad songs that made things even worse. I didn't want to eat. I didn't want to do my hair. I didn't want to study. I didn't want to watch tv. I just wanted to stand, look off into space, and wallow in my cave of sadness.

But then...

God said, (this seems like the logical thing he would say, in my opinion), "Hey, that Euni girl has had a tough time lately. Maybe, maybe, I could bring in that beautiful Fall weather she loves so much a little sooner than expected?"

And that's what happened. The sky is once again that deep, neverending shade of pristine and true blue. A gentle cooling breeze playfully sways the trees around every so often. I hungrily breathe in the crisp air, fill up my lungs and sigh. I could seriously just sit outside all day long, alone, at peace. This natural beauty is briefly overwhelming, but truly something that keeps me going.

That little knot in my throat and heart, you know, that "heartachy" one, is still there, but I don't care anymore. There are so many beautiful and happy things out there that make me realize I shouldn't let feeling "bad things" get in my way.

This Is Only a Test, Right?

It is a test, a test to see if I've become a better person...at least, that's how I choose to interpret it.

My last post might have seemed a little down and melancholy, but fear not, I am in the process of getting back in the flow of things. I had to take a step back and really think about the goings-on. (I guess I should say what happened, I really don't care if certain people directly concerned with this event read this: what of it? I have the liberty to write what I want.) Long story short, the former-love-of-my-life just announced his engagement on Sunday. You might recall, if you've gone through my posts from last Fall, (particularly this post), he found a new love and I was left with a broken heart but a new vision of sorts. A few things about this new girl irked me: she has one eye smaller than the other, and among other things, she's an accountant. (Don't even get me started on why I don't like accountants...)

Anyway, I scolded myself for hating on this girl, I mean, come on Euni, you don't even know her! She might be the nicest and coolest girl ever, if I didn't know the former-love-of-my-life, we might have even been the bestest of friends! (Yeah, I don't think so.)

ANYWAY, I had to really think about what was going on in my life. This bit of engagement news was not really about my still being in love with him, but rather a wound to my ego, my pride. I mean, really?? I'm not the prettiest girl in the world (far from it!), but I'm (superficial I know) definitely easier on the eyes than her. Also, I'm sarcastic and enjoy very dry humor. And I'm an economist, I don't dwell on just nominal subjects (in the field and in life). And we did have some pretty great and memorable conversations (about all kinds of things). But whatever, I remembered how he sometimes underestimated me, my intellectual, emotional, and physical abilities. Ultimately, I do not want to live life with someone who constantly underestimates me.

And you know what? I have had the pleasure of meeting a pretty amazing guy, and while we are busy with our own things and we don't always agree about what music is better and why, he always succeeds in making me smile (if not laugh). I don't know and don't care what happens to us, but I'm just enjoying everything that comes our way.

So yes, this engagement is a test. Just a little blip and distraction from what I really care about in life. I think I pass this test, don't you agree?

Palpitations

xkcd: A Hypochrondiac's Nightmare

Happy Monday to all! This is a short "in the meantime" post; I will definitely try to post my regular Music Monday post later this evening, if time allows me to! Just a quick thing I wanted to share with the world...

Am I in love or am I just suffering from some heart murmur or palpitations?

Or could it just be a semi-allergic reaction to celery juice???

Also, did xkcd intentionally misspell "hypochrondiac"??

A few questions that I might never know the answers to I guess...see ya later!

Tuesday Tunesday (Music Monday Proxy): I Will Wait

It's Tuesday, and I'm kind of floating around, not exactly lost, but just kinda there. I'm not making a lot of sense these days, but I just have carry on through this weird moment. I've been meaning to share the following Mumford & Sons song for a while now, but I didn't get a chance to do so last week...soooooo here you go!

Their new album Babel is set to go out on September 24th, so of course I'm looking forward to it! :) Enjoy.

Tiny Rock Story

Hi everyone, I know it's been a while, but I'm back for good now that my summer semester is over! :) It was great---I took my fourth unit exam last Tuesday and the final on Thursday, and quite frankly I did very well in both (more so in the final than on the fourth, but whatever, the class is over!!!).

Anyway, when I got home Thursday night after the final, I didn't know what to do. For the past couple of months I had been focusing mainly on math math math, and quite abruptly, there was no need for me to go to "mymathlab" or the course website to work on homework and study. I was...

FREE.




That's totally how I feel right now. ANYWAY, the point of this post is a true story that happened just the other day, I think it was either Monday or Wednesday, on my way home from work.

~~~So yeah, I'm driving home, and there's something y'all should know about me before I continue with this story. I try to go as long as possible without turning on the A/C (during the warm seasons) or the heater (during the cold seasons) in my car. Well, when I have passengers I usually take them into consideration and will turn the A/C (for example) up to the first level, you know, that first "click" that the air knobby thing makes...If I really like the person(s), I'll even turn it up to the second or third "click" just so I know he/they won't be suffering too much...

Alright, so on this particular evening, I was nearing the end of my daily evening commute, for some reason, I had my window down all the way, enjoying the beautiful (unusually unseasonably cool) weather, and I was all "lalalalala" singing along with the music on the radio...when it happened.

Some tiny rock came flying into the car and hit me in the chin. Then disappeared somewhere on the car floor. Out of nowhere, like seriously, it wasn't like this rock flew in because of some other car driving by and propelling it in my direction. It just decided to alter my usual daydreaming and reverie.

Why hello, tiny rock. I hope you enjoy your stay in my car before I thoroughly clean the poor thing.~~~

By the way, if I find the tiny rascal, I'll be sure to take a picture and share. Also, every time I start falling in love again, I remember how good it feels to be at the start (or beginning) of things. I think this little adventure is going to be a really wonderful and meaningful one. ♥

Music Monday: Never Had Nobody Like You

The only times I tolerate double negatives (well in this case, triple negatives) are when I'm using them colloquially for dramatic effect, or when I listen to this song by M. Ward. Orrrrr, when I'm feeling lovely. Enjoy :)

Freckles

It's Saturday afternoon, that moment of the day that is borderline schizophrenic. Do I decide to waste away the rest of the day, being lazy and working on calculus homework, brooding on rather trifling yet seemingly important thoughts and emotions? Or do I choose instead to laugh it all off and explore the rest of what Saturday has in store for me?

I think today I'll choose the latter. Even though I'm pretty tired. This summer seems to be the most sun-filled season of my entire life. I haven't ridden my bike in a couple of weeks, but it's because I'm rarely home long enough to rest up and go out to the park/trails. With calculus and yoga filling up my evenings after work, the only purpose my home seems to have is to provide a place for sleep. Saturday mornings start with yoga too, and then a quick breakfast before we go to the park with the little cousins. The familiar semi-nostalgic smell of sunblock on our skins, the increasingly warm embrace of the sun greeting our faces, we smile, carefree and young, in return.

We don't take pictures. We don't record our memories with videos. All I have to show for this summer-long adventure are scars and freckles. I like that.