"nothing you say ever makes sense"

Hiya everybody! It's been far too long since I last updated teenytinytidbits, and y'all know the reason behind my absence. It's funny how unprepared I truly was (and continue to be) for grad school, but it's all worth it; at least, it seems like it's worth it at this point in time.

I've been totally immersed in the math econ class in particular, though the last couple of weeks have been consumed by the fascinating subject of TRANSFER PRICING. It's definitely as cool as it sounds but totally not fun trying to explain what it is to my friends and family. The deeper I delve into my studies, the crazier it seems that nobody else in my close circle of loved ones understands what the hell I'm talking about. Yup, I'm becoming that weirdo family member, the one who never seems like she's completely there-there...lately, my Potato Cousin enjoys the following quip about me: "We love you because nothing you say ever makes sense."

Greaaaaaaat! I'll take that as a compliment, thank you very much! I'm embracing this new kind of weirdness and taking it for what it is. I can talk about stuff I'm working on, like how corporate tax rates affect where multinational entities choose to locate legal ownership of their patents and other intangible assets, and whoever is listening to me talk about it has NO idea if what I'm saying is true or just made up.

Anyway, I just turned in my first research paper and it was pretty awful, I really don't expect to get a good grade on it, but it's alright---like I said, it was my first paper. I'll just take it as a...LEARNING EXPERIENCE. :)

So yeah, I guess that's as good a tidbit as I can come up with right now. I will enjoy what remains of my tiny moment of rest. Aaaaaaaaand, here's a picture of whale cupcakes found on Pinterest, just because:

                                                            Source: feeuz.tumblr.com viaErin on Pinterest

"Oh right, that's why friends shouldn't date!"

I've been doing better, post-breakup, but there are a few things I miss. I promise this is one of the last posts on the subject (I still plan on sharing my breakup-getting over it-playlist, which should be helpful if I ever go through this stuff again), and it's one of those things that I just have to share on teenytinytidbits, to kinda keep it secret and let whoever reads this read it.

As you might guess from the title, I've been dealing with the consequences of being romantically involved with a friend. He was (is) a good guy, and while he claimed that he wanted to remain friends, he hasn't lived up to that friendship anymore. And that just kills me. We had several things in common, among them my favorite things in the world: Arcade Fire, Blue Moon, and math. Silly, right?

Yup, I fell in love with him at the same time I was falling in love with Arcade Fire, and it all coincidentally developed my love for Blue Moon and math. It's so weird, it feels like now that we aren't dating, these things which I still enjoy dearly make me feel like the custodial parent. Kind of like he gave up talking about or enjoying these things (publicly), giving me full custody of these quirky bonds.

I'm obviously not going to stop listening to Arcade Fire or studying math, and I most certainly won't stop enjoying Blue Moon when the occasion calls for it, but I can't keep from feeling slightly wistful and like something's amiss when I encounter these things.

I just wish we could still hang out and share these pleasures together. Learn from the things we went through so we could have a stronger friendship. But I guess I can't really do anything else about it, if he's just becoming another distant memory.

In happier news, God willing, I'll get through this tough school week and enjoy a much deserved Spring Break, and by enjoy, I mean I get to work-work and then finish my Transfer Pricing paper. Woohooooooo! Things should be getting better from here. :)

Too much

Hi everyone,

I'm still alive, but terribly occupied with school work and work-work. It's awful, but I keep telling myself things will clear up and I will soon be able to relax. (Ha, I know it's all illusion, I won't be able to truly relax [if that's even possible] until early May.)

Truly, it's been awful. In the course of the past two weeks, I've gone through the end of a relationship that was just about to blossom, I became very ill, and now I find myself trying to find happy endings for my friends, since I can't seem to have my own. All while keeping up with the reading assignments for my classes. :(

There's been lots of crying, frustration, anger, and just total detachment from things I used to enjoy, but I am trying my best to keep a positive outlook. Stuff like this happens, I have come to terms with the fact that I genuinely felt love and affection for a really nice guy. That was the hardest part for me, admitting I felt something. So you can imagine how horrible it was to all of a sudden be rejected by the guy I thought had felt something for me too. I honestly think there was something more to why he just ended things with me, but what can we do, right?

We're supposed to still be friends and whatever, and while I've genuinely tried to pass over this awkward phase in our friendship, he's not being as cooperative. I really don't want this to become another "brock" thing (this is what I'm calling that thing, it's not like the former-love-of-my-life reads this). But I don't know what I'll do if I see this recent ex with another girl or whatever. I don't think I can handle it, at least not for the time being.

And so, I've been distracting myself from all this ache by studying studying studying, stressing about studying, turning in homework assignments and listening to music. I've tried talking with friends, but not one of them truly understands the situation I'm in, both in my [lack of]-love life and in my academic pursuits. Remind me to laugh at all of this when this is over.

I'm sorry, you guys, this post has just been terribly sad. I'll do better on the next post.

Tuesday Tunesday: Beta Love

It's Tuesday, and I can honestly say that this week is chugging along a whole lot better than last week. For one thing, this evening's class was *ahem* unfortunately cancelled because the professor's flight was *ahem* unfortunately cancelled. LOL.

So, before I continue with my studying, I'm taking some time to share today's Tuesday Tunesday: the title song from Ra Ra Riot's new album Beta Love. I've just barely started listening to this album, I like it enough to give it a few more listens and we'll go from there.

Hmmm, let me share something that happened today, I'm trying to make teenytinytidbits more lighthearted and full of more stories and random anecdotes or whatever. Ok, so today felt like an April Spring day, like right before a huge thunderstorm rolls on through town. There was a light pleasant breeze as I made my way to my car in the morning, and the clouds were coming majestically together to cover my entire route to work in a deep and mesmerizing coat of gentlemanly grey. I love those kinds of clouds, that kind of sky.

The meteorologist had announced that there would be a slight chance of thunderstorms in the early part of the day today; when the early part of the day passed on by without a drop of rain, I was disappointed. I love it when it storms around here, especially when those storms bring about a hint of Spring. I know, we're still far from Spring, but this is Texas, and I have had enough cold to last me the entire year thank you very much. Anyway, the hours passed along uneventfully, for the most part, and then suddenly, about an hour and a half before clocking out, the gentlemanly grey clouds paid us another visit.

It poured. No, it spilled all over us. So much rain, so many resulting puddles for my Jeep to drive through like a rugged all-terrain adventurer, well, as far as my imagination was concerned. It was glorious. A much welcomed cleansing.

But the storm brought along its friend, the cold front, which isn't so bad I guess, I mean, it's not like it's freezing or anything like that. Also, the rain has stopped now for sure, and tomorrow we'll probably see the sun again.

And tomorrow, TOMORROW, is Wednesday, already. Wow, right? Last week took its sweet time to end, and this week is just flying by, not even stopping to have a cup of coffee with me or chatting about how it's doing. Oh well, it's okay, January is almost over, and I want to say goodbye to it already.

Hmm, I guess this is where my post ends tonight. I'll make an effort to write tomorrow too! :) Hope y'all have been having a better week too!

Things I do in the office...

Well, I have zero dogs at the moment, so does that imply that all it takes is ONE dog for me to become a "crazy dog lady"? (Source.)

...to distract myself when there is no work to be done:

1. Repeat phrases in my head.

Example: in contemplating the title of this post, "things I do in the office...things I do in the office...things I do in the office..."

2. Move my head in all directions, like a bird.

3. Drink water.

4. Refill my water bottle when it is empty.

5. Go through Pinterest and laugh (sometimes too loudly), pin, repin, like, at the "humor" pins.

6. Listen to music on Spotify (regular business hours haha).

7. Think about awkward moments in my life.

Example: like when I used to wear the "slim fit" jeans in middle school, even worse that I would wear a black belt and black dress shoes with white socks along with those jeans. Or like when I unconsciously make weird faces at friends/co-workers/strangers who are not in the "super-secret-approved-Euni-list-of-people list."

8. Read the good old "Mathematics for Economists" textbook. Guaranteed oodles and oodles of fun.

9. Daydream. --- Well, we all know I do that even if there is work to be done. I think I am 75% in daydream mode, and that's not taking actual bedtime slumber into account.

10. Walk around the office, stretch, balance on one leg, pretending to be a flamingo.

Now, my distraction activities aren't just limited to the above list; I have been known to apply unnecessary amounts of chapstick, browse online for dresses, look at webcomics, play with Google maps, cut out funny pictures from the junk mail the office receives, draw and color dinosaurs, etc. Wow, when I mention all the things I do when I'm not working, my job sounds super awesome. But don't think that I neglect my work; I just that efficient that I have so much extra time on my hands.

Tuesday Tunesday: Une Année Sans Lumière

Hey, it's Tuesday, and I'm taking a tiny break from studying for "Mathematical Economics," which gives me good reason to share another song with y'all. It might be no surprise, but it is another Arcade Fire song, one that has lately made me feel oddly at peace with the goings-on around me.

Now, I don't know all the lyrics and background information to this song, but it does bring to mind Plato's Allegory of the Cave...maybe I'm thinking too much into it hahaha. Oh yeah, and it has a bit of French in it too (which I don't know how to speak/read/write!) Enjoy!



A lot can happen in a matter of days (well, if I want to stretch out the time span, a couple of weeks), and I've reached a fork in the road (so to speak), and I'm indifferent between the two [basic] choices (and consequently the two potential outcomes). On the one hand I could have affection and more time invested with the guy I care about; on the other, there would be no need for me to further develop my feelings for that same guy. Obviously I'd much rather not even dwell on this little situation, and as the days progress I'm leaning more and more towards not seeing him (exclusively, romantically, whatever) and just moving on.

My relapse (on dwelling on the former-love-of-my-life) has nothing to do with my current thoughts, but I think I might have mentioned it here before: if I had already fought with all my might for the [former-]love-of-my-life, why should I even fight for this new guy (when I don't even know if he's anything special)?

It sounds awful, I know, but sometimes we just have to face reality and make decisions that will, in the long-run, be the best decisions for all of us. I wouldn't mind, of course, taking our relationship to the next level (gosh that phrasing sounds so trite and annoying), but only if I can trust his sincerity and supposed affections for me. I dunno, with school and work and all the other stuff in between, y'all might agree that I should just let this situation go. How about I just decide to not think about this stuff for the rest of the week (at least)? We'll go from there.

Here's to hoping for more interesting and happier things for the rest of the week! :)

Frogger

I had some extra time on my hands at work, so I went to XKCD and kept hitting the random button. Then I found this one:



Frogger (you should probably click on the image for a better look!)


The first time I saw this particular comic I was surrounded by such blissful memories. I should have known then that things were working out with the former-love-of-my-life, and that I could have spoken about my feelings with certainty and confidence.

He was good back then. I am trying not to be upset at myself for remembering my time with him, it's okay for me to go through little phases like these, things always get better. So bear with me, everyone, if I seem quiet and more reserved than usual, I'm just getting through this little episode.

I started grad school this week, and wow, it IS going to be tough. But I'm about 97% sure I'll be able to handle the full-time coursework along with the 40-hour work weeks...YAY LEARNING EXPERIENCES.

(I need to start writing and reading more!)