Tumbling

This past weekend I had the pleasure of having one of the most colorful dreams in my entire life. I usually dream in color, but this dream was just so perfectly hued. The color that jumped out the most was green. Such a deep and rich green. And the texture was so defined and real.

Of course, I should've written about this dream a lot sooner, most of the images (except for the luscious grassy moss I was running and crawling on) have faded away. I don't even remember if I was barefoot this time---I usually am when I have those running dreams...but that green, oh goodness, I can't forget that green.

Anyway, why is this post titled "Tumbling"? I really don't know, I guess several tidbits of thoughts have been...tumbling around in my head. Like the realization that sometimes... I go through what I have deemed Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde Syndrome---though I prefer the following comparison instead:

Yes, even I can admit that if I were a Disney character, I'd totally be Zazu. Crazy uptight bird.

After a bit of fun, I become this:



Ok, ok, so maybe I haven't thrown a bowling ball out the window yet...y'all should totally watch that movie by the way (Dazed and Confused) it's so good (in my opinion). Anyway, I have probably shared way too much information, so now I'm gonna edit this post, and you won't know that I did because you'll never have read the stuff I wrote first. If you can guess what I changed, good for you.

Surely I'm not the only one who goes through fun changes like this one right?

Who Loves Jealousy?

Oh come on, we've all encountered this quaint little feeling, at some point or another. I'll be the first to admit I'm one of the most jealous people you'll ever meet. But I'm very good at hiding it.

Source: Uploaded by user via Sabrina on Pinterest

The way I see it, it's quite alright to be jealous from time to time. I can be jealous of my current lover's female friend, how witty and cute she is, but I don't really hold anything against her. Honestly I don't even know her, and if my lover decided to one day choose her over me (if that is even a conceivable thought in his mind), I would totally understand his reasoning. She's awesome. I have a feeling that she is just like me, but with added bonuses, such as: being cute, having an affinity for dancing, and being such a sociable and friendly person.

Ok, ok, so maybe I'm not giving myself enough credit for my own attributes and awesome qualities (uhm, like explaining economics, having an amazing sense of humor, and just looking pretty good when I try hahaha), but that is not the point here tonight. The point is that I'm jealous, but I only get jealous when I meet people who are slightly more awesome than myself. (There really is no way for me to not sound like superficial monster here, is there?)

Anyway, I will rarely (if ever) mention my jealousy to my lovers, because I don't ever want him to change his friendships with others because of me. I think that's lame, and it's a total turn-off when I'm expected to cut communication with my guy friends just because my lover is a little jealous. Now don't get me wrong, I like finding out that my lover is jealous. I suspect my current lover is a little jealous, but he doesn't need to be. A rule of thumb or I guess some advice from me when it comes to the strength of my affection: if I send you a random illustration, picture, witty quote, or random word...that, my lover, means you're special, and you've got nothing to worry about. :)

I apologize, dear readers, this post is pretty crappy and dumb, isn't it? You can erase these words from your minds if you want, I wouldn't blame you!

National Dictionary Day

Hi everyone! Based on a previous post last week, y'all know I finally got a fancy phone that can do all sorts of things. No, I don't mean to brag about some piece of technology that with every passing day inches closer and closer to utter obsolescence, but I do want to point out that there is a very handy and awesome app for the Merriam-Webster Dictionary.

It's true. I love words. So much. I'm not always the best at using the wide range of vocabulary I possess in my head, but I do enjoy thinking about it, using these fancy words in my writing here and there. Also, when I stumble upon an unknown word, I always find the need to learn its meaning, its origin, and its evolution.

Anyway, if you have an iPhone or an Android, promptly make your way to the FREE Merriam-Webster app. You really won't regret it. There's even a "word of the day" so you can learn one new word (or remember an old word that you once learned) every single day. ALSO, it's National Dictionary Day today (in honor of Mr. Webster's birthday), so it is my pleasure to share with y'all...my TWO FAVORITE WORDS in the whole wide world (illustrated so y'all can better understand and remember these magnificent words).

1. abscond - v. to depart secretly and hide oneself

abscond (v.)

2. pariah - n. one that is despised or rejected; outcast

pariah (n.)

Pretty cool words, right?? :)

I might be back to share a song this evening...or I might not. I'm officially on vacation as soon as we shut the office down for the day. Boy, am I ready for a vacation. I have so much stuff to work on (both for fun and because I have to), but I'm excited! And by the way, I got those definitions from my oh-so-cool dictionary app, if you couldn't have guessed haha.

Have a great day!

On the Go?

Let's see, I'm trying to see if my fancy new phone will be a good blogging tool...if you're reading this I guess that means it's working?

Btw, I just drew this and instagrammed it hahaha.

Tuesday Tunesday: Flesh and Bone

Greetings, I know, it's been like forever since I've shared a music-video post...not to name any names (ahem ahem Calculus), I have been a little busy at the start of every week, and by the time I get to the end of the week I'm caught up with other (sometimes unnecessary, othertimes quite worth it) stuff. Anywayyyyyyyy, the following song really fits in with the situation I'm in, well, this mini-phase within a phase in my second decade of life, I guess.



I really love The Killers, by the way, and lately I've been listening to them all day long at work. And in the car. And as I go to bed. And in my head. To be honest, I had been going through a Mumford & Sons phase (you know, since Babel came out not too long ago), and I love them too, like a loooooooooooooot, but my previous thoughts and musings led me back to The Killers. Y'all didn't need to know this little tidbit of information, but it's okay!

I was going to share Romeo and Juliet, but I couldn't find a decent version online, and also because it was too much of a potential foreshadowing on my part. (I'll share this much about it: I'd heard the song before, but I pretended I had never heard it when I was in the car with my friend, just so he could give me his interpretation of it...)

Anyway, till next time!

smallness

As y'all know, I had been thinking about dumb stuff earlier this week, and though my thoughts got a little healthier and more positive, I began to grasp just how small we all really are.

We're tiny, you know. I am me. In my room, in my home, in my apartment complex, in my neighborhood, in my city, in my county, etc. etc. There are people above me, people below me. Next to me. Beside me. I drive with so many different strangers on a daily basis, and we might never ever speak words to each other. I might appear in random dreams here and there, as a random person in the background, a familiar face yet so unknown.

Today I learned that seashells are merely skeleton remains of mollusks that, well, once lived. Like seriously, do you know how many mollusks must die every day for us to so casually encounter countless shells on the shore? Remember Coney Island? So many shells. So many small remains. At least some shells are still useful for living creatures, like hermit crabs or whatever. Or for those looking for supposedly aesthetically pleasing and natural souvenirs.

We step on these shells, never giving them a second thought.

We are small. Imagine how much smaller we'd be if we were mollusks. I recently read an article arguing that we are made of so many tiny tiny particles, that we are very complex organisms. My sister once quipped that we are actually made of dead star particles. I like that idea...

Yes, I am small, but it's okay. I like this sliver of space I take up in the universe. I like to think that my existence is worth something, a necessary and essential part that makes the universe continue. And that those I love exist for the same reason.

In all my thoughts and wanderings, I think it's time to share a tiny whale picture:

(courtesy of su-ami)

Dear readers, I like y'all by the way. Have a good weekend my dears. :)

On Second Thought, I Change My Mind

It's true, I've been thinking about the same thing over and over again all week. I had made plans to meet with a very special friend, but because of internal tensions back home, I had to cancel on him. I didn't want to cancel or anything, but I also didn't want to upset the current still-unstable ceasefire at home. (That's a looooooooong story, but I won't divulge those details anytime soon, definitely not today.)

Oh sure, I apologized via text (we never really talk on the phone...who uses cell phones to talk anyway, right?) but received no response, which usually doesn't matter to me, you know, but I dunno why it bothered me this time around.

This is how bothered I was...in my mind.

Yup, I was fretting about it, which is totally annoying; I don't like it when people feel sad about this sort of stuff, so imagine how angry I become at myself when I do this. I felt guilty about cancelling plans, I felt guilty about feeling sad, I felt angry for being sad, and I felt angry for feeling angry at being sad!!!!! It never ends with me, you know, once I start feeling "bad things" it just gets worse and worse and

w

   o

      r
      
       s

         e.

Aaaaaaaaand, if you've read any of my posts relating to heart break, sadness, or any of that gushy love stuff, then you would know the worst of the worst possible feelings and thoughts that could appear in my poor poor mind and mess me up (emotionally) completely. Yup, I remembered those feelings of rejection from the former-love-of-my-love. GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH.

It's gross, I know. So I spiraled down and down until I started listening to sad songs that made things even worse. I didn't want to eat. I didn't want to do my hair. I didn't want to study. I didn't want to watch tv. I just wanted to stand, look off into space, and wallow in my cave of sadness.

But then...

God said, (this seems like the logical thing he would say, in my opinion), "Hey, that Euni girl has had a tough time lately. Maybe, maybe, I could bring in that beautiful Fall weather she loves so much a little sooner than expected?"

And that's what happened. The sky is once again that deep, neverending shade of pristine and true blue. A gentle cooling breeze playfully sways the trees around every so often. I hungrily breathe in the crisp air, fill up my lungs and sigh. I could seriously just sit outside all day long, alone, at peace. This natural beauty is briefly overwhelming, but truly something that keeps me going.

That little knot in my throat and heart, you know, that "heartachy" one, is still there, but I don't care anymore. There are so many beautiful and happy things out there that make me realize I shouldn't let feeling "bad things" get in my way.