Birthday Post!

Happy birthday to meeeee. Wheeeeee.

So I've been 25 years old for a week and one day now, and I don't feel any different really...25 seems so strange a concept to me: it's right in the middle of your 20s, the truest quarterlife-crisis number, the year when you can rent a car and have lower car insurance and stuff.

Hmph, I should rent a car.

This post should be about my birthday, the anniversary of my birth, the number of times I've revolved around the sun completely. 25. In three more 25-year segments I'll be 100. If I were a coin, I'd be 1/4 of a dollar. Why the comparisons? Why the fractions and mathematical breakdown of an age?

The squirrel makes sense. Just keep reading.

I dunno really. But it's really quite alright. And I don't think the actual celebration that took place on my birthday serves as a foreshadowing representation of my 25th year as a whole. [Does that sentence even make sense?] Anyway, in a nutshell:

• I woke up to get ready for work (because my boss didn't approve my request for the day off.
• My mother was sick, and my younger sister was dead asleep, so nobody sang happy birthday in the morning.
• Nobody seemed to care that it was my birthday, I don't even think I cared about it.
• It was pretty rainy on my way to work, and as I made my way down the usual route, a squirrel jumped in front of my car and I killed it.
• The sudden death of the squirrel caused me to laugh and cry, simultaneously.
• Work was lame and not busy at all, hahahaha. And for the birthday lunch we had pizza. I also received a few gifts and birthday cards.
• I left work and went home. We "celebrated" my birthday by eating cake with some of my close family. Then everyone left because more storms were on their way.
• My younger sister and I drove around for a bit, just before the storms hit...a small hurrah for being a year older.

And that was it. 25. I would like to say that my birthday was amazing and stuff like that, but it wasn't. But I was okay with it. Every day for the past month-and-a-half has been amazing enough, feeling love from all different places, that I can't keep myself from smiling!

Summer's gonna be awesome.

P.S. Out of all the presents I received for my birthday, I STILL DID NOT RECEIVE A BLACK LABRADOR PUPPY!!! I guess I'll have to get one myself...one of these days BAYBAYYSSSS...one of these days.

This would be a picture of my black lab puppy...IF I HAD ONE!!!!!

Tuesday Tunesday: Who Knows Who Cares

Hi everybody!!! I'm finally back from an accidental hiatus of sorts, done with my first semester of grad school and stuff like that!

I have so much free time now that I don't even know what to do with it. Oh sure, I still go to work Monday-Friday, but it's such an easy job that I usually finish my work tasks with so much time left over. During the spring semester, I'd fill in that free time with study/homework time. I've been making myself busy, but there's really only so much I can do...

Having been busy with school stuff though, I completely neglected the fact that my birthday is creeping up on me. (It's tomorrow by the way, and I dunno how to feel about it!) And so, I scrambled around trying to request the day off from work (my boss didn't approve the request), buy my birthday dress (I didn't succeed in getting the one I originally wanted, but I got a worthy substitute), and plan something to do for the weekend celebration of it (which is currently not going very well).

Boy, the way that paragraph looks, I sound lame and superficial. It's not as bad as it sounds. Honestly, I just want to spend my birthday with my mother and sisters (and hopefully that'll happen alright tomorrow after work). The way things have been lately with my friends though...that's a different story. I don't think it's anyone's fault, we've all just been doing our own thing; the girls in the "gang" have been hanging out more while I've been stuck in grad school, the guys have been doing their own thing...I look back at last summer and how we were all on good terms, hanging out during the weekends, feeling young and free and stuff!

Anyway, I need to cheer up! And really, I've been feeling pretty awesome the past month or so---I still don't quite comprehend how I started out April quite miserable and heartbroken but now I'm in the middle of May and quite content with how things have been going. I've been trying a few new things here and there; I'm also in the beautiful happy stage of a new relationship (seriously, this awesome guy I'm seeing is pretty amazing, and nothing like the complicated relationships I've been in before). However, that's not the point of this post. The point is, and I'm glad I chose to share Local Natives' Who Knows Who Cares, that I just need to go along with whatever happens, reminding myself to enjoy every moment (good and bad).

We'll see how year twenty-five goes. I think I'll start that fun job search again; I wanna get out of this complacency, you know?! I wanna move out (on my own?), I wanna get a dog, I wanna visit Seattle (and the rest of the world)!

So dear friends of the virtual world, how's life been for y'all lately?? I'm gonna start catching up on my blog readings and I can't wait to see what y'all have been up to! :)

The BIGGEST Day of the Semester

Hi everybody!

Things have been swirling around in my life lately, and I have little time to just sit back and relax and think about everything. It's okay though, in the past two months I've finally gotten over my most recent break up and I've gotten through (ALIVE!!!) the heaviest parts of the Spring semester.

Now all that awaits is...the BIG CASE STUDY PRESENTATION. I won't bore y'all with the details (if anyone has stuck around to read my intermittent posts), but this is it! It's this group project I've been working on almost all semester, and this Thursday is the evening we present in class! Sure, the downside is that I have to miss the Lumineers' concert, but I'm trying to "keep my head up" by making it the BEST presentation ever given on the SUPER-FUN subject of Transfer Pricing.

Yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, we'll see how it goes.

After that presentation, I have two final exams for my other two classes and then two more papers to turn in for Transfer Pricing. And then I'll be FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

I am very happy with all the stuff I've gone through this entire semester, with life and academia and whatnot, and I am ready to embrace what's coming next!!

I can't wait till I have so much more free time again so I can write and read more blog posts and articles and books and lots of other stuff too! :D

Till next time you guys!!

P.S. That word "BIGGEST" in the title looks weird, right??

I Think Ur a Contra

So a few posts ago I mentioned I needed to resolve some issues with this guy I was seeing. After much thought and talking with some close friends, I came to terms with what I really wanted. I realized that I had genuine feelings for this friend-turned-lover, and that I didn't need to run away from my feelings.

But you know how these things go. He told me he didn't mean to lead me on, that another girl had his heart. I became upset but tried to keep calm and composed. I've been struggling, not only because of the feelings I felt, but because I didn't like how I let him get to me like this, when he was nowhere near the level that the former-love-of-my-life was. That last thing is what keeps me down most of the time.

I guess I also feel betrayed. Everything I shared was honest and sincere. And he seemed to reciprocate the honesty. I would talk about things that brighten my soul and mind (economics, politics, music, etc.), and he would appear interested and have intelligent conversations with me. And now, especially this very night, I feel like it was all an act on his part. Oh sure, he might dabble in the topics I'm studying, but he never really felt as strongly about them as I do. And while I had begun to believe that he cared about me, he was juggling dating several other girls, one of whom he is "officially" in a relationship with.

Whatever, dear. I think ur a contra. That's all I will say about you. Ever. What will happen to our friendship? I dunno, and I really don't care right now. And even though I know I didn't do anything wrong this time around, I don't know how to fight from feeling like the worst person in the world---so awful that some average-looking guy rejected me.

I know that last sentence up there is crazy talk and I need to stop. April appears to be the toughest month yet, and I just want to get through it quickly. Alone.

"nothing you say ever makes sense"

Hiya everybody! It's been far too long since I last updated teenytinytidbits, and y'all know the reason behind my absence. It's funny how unprepared I truly was (and continue to be) for grad school, but it's all worth it; at least, it seems like it's worth it at this point in time.

I've been totally immersed in the math econ class in particular, though the last couple of weeks have been consumed by the fascinating subject of TRANSFER PRICING. It's definitely as cool as it sounds but totally not fun trying to explain what it is to my friends and family. The deeper I delve into my studies, the crazier it seems that nobody else in my close circle of loved ones understands what the hell I'm talking about. Yup, I'm becoming that weirdo family member, the one who never seems like she's completely there-there...lately, my Potato Cousin enjoys the following quip about me: "We love you because nothing you say ever makes sense."

Greaaaaaaat! I'll take that as a compliment, thank you very much! I'm embracing this new kind of weirdness and taking it for what it is. I can talk about stuff I'm working on, like how corporate tax rates affect where multinational entities choose to locate legal ownership of their patents and other intangible assets, and whoever is listening to me talk about it has NO idea if what I'm saying is true or just made up.

Anyway, I just turned in my first research paper and it was pretty awful, I really don't expect to get a good grade on it, but it's alright---like I said, it was my first paper. I'll just take it as a...LEARNING EXPERIENCE. :)

So yeah, I guess that's as good a tidbit as I can come up with right now. I will enjoy what remains of my tiny moment of rest. Aaaaaaaaand, here's a picture of whale cupcakes found on Pinterest, just because:

                                                            Source: feeuz.tumblr.com viaErin on Pinterest

"Oh right, that's why friends shouldn't date!"

I've been doing better, post-breakup, but there are a few things I miss. I promise this is one of the last posts on the subject (I still plan on sharing my breakup-getting over it-playlist, which should be helpful if I ever go through this stuff again), and it's one of those things that I just have to share on teenytinytidbits, to kinda keep it secret and let whoever reads this read it.

As you might guess from the title, I've been dealing with the consequences of being romantically involved with a friend. He was (is) a good guy, and while he claimed that he wanted to remain friends, he hasn't lived up to that friendship anymore. And that just kills me. We had several things in common, among them my favorite things in the world: Arcade Fire, Blue Moon, and math. Silly, right?

Yup, I fell in love with him at the same time I was falling in love with Arcade Fire, and it all coincidentally developed my love for Blue Moon and math. It's so weird, it feels like now that we aren't dating, these things which I still enjoy dearly make me feel like the custodial parent. Kind of like he gave up talking about or enjoying these things (publicly), giving me full custody of these quirky bonds.

I'm obviously not going to stop listening to Arcade Fire or studying math, and I most certainly won't stop enjoying Blue Moon when the occasion calls for it, but I can't keep from feeling slightly wistful and like something's amiss when I encounter these things.

I just wish we could still hang out and share these pleasures together. Learn from the things we went through so we could have a stronger friendship. But I guess I can't really do anything else about it, if he's just becoming another distant memory.

In happier news, God willing, I'll get through this tough school week and enjoy a much deserved Spring Break, and by enjoy, I mean I get to work-work and then finish my Transfer Pricing paper. Woohooooooo! Things should be getting better from here. :)

Too much

Hi everyone,

I'm still alive, but terribly occupied with school work and work-work. It's awful, but I keep telling myself things will clear up and I will soon be able to relax. (Ha, I know it's all illusion, I won't be able to truly relax [if that's even possible] until early May.)

Truly, it's been awful. In the course of the past two weeks, I've gone through the end of a relationship that was just about to blossom, I became very ill, and now I find myself trying to find happy endings for my friends, since I can't seem to have my own. All while keeping up with the reading assignments for my classes. :(

There's been lots of crying, frustration, anger, and just total detachment from things I used to enjoy, but I am trying my best to keep a positive outlook. Stuff like this happens, I have come to terms with the fact that I genuinely felt love and affection for a really nice guy. That was the hardest part for me, admitting I felt something. So you can imagine how horrible it was to all of a sudden be rejected by the guy I thought had felt something for me too. I honestly think there was something more to why he just ended things with me, but what can we do, right?

We're supposed to still be friends and whatever, and while I've genuinely tried to pass over this awkward phase in our friendship, he's not being as cooperative. I really don't want this to become another "brock" thing (this is what I'm calling that thing, it's not like the former-love-of-my-life reads this). But I don't know what I'll do if I see this recent ex with another girl or whatever. I don't think I can handle it, at least not for the time being.

And so, I've been distracting myself from all this ache by studying studying studying, stressing about studying, turning in homework assignments and listening to music. I've tried talking with friends, but not one of them truly understands the situation I'm in, both in my [lack of]-love life and in my academic pursuits. Remind me to laugh at all of this when this is over.

I'm sorry, you guys, this post has just been terribly sad. I'll do better on the next post.

Tuesday Tunesday: Beta Love

It's Tuesday, and I can honestly say that this week is chugging along a whole lot better than last week. For one thing, this evening's class was *ahem* unfortunately cancelled because the professor's flight was *ahem* unfortunately cancelled. LOL.

So, before I continue with my studying, I'm taking some time to share today's Tuesday Tunesday: the title song from Ra Ra Riot's new album Beta Love. I've just barely started listening to this album, I like it enough to give it a few more listens and we'll go from there.

Hmmm, let me share something that happened today, I'm trying to make teenytinytidbits more lighthearted and full of more stories and random anecdotes or whatever. Ok, so today felt like an April Spring day, like right before a huge thunderstorm rolls on through town. There was a light pleasant breeze as I made my way to my car in the morning, and the clouds were coming majestically together to cover my entire route to work in a deep and mesmerizing coat of gentlemanly grey. I love those kinds of clouds, that kind of sky.

The meteorologist had announced that there would be a slight chance of thunderstorms in the early part of the day today; when the early part of the day passed on by without a drop of rain, I was disappointed. I love it when it storms around here, especially when those storms bring about a hint of Spring. I know, we're still far from Spring, but this is Texas, and I have had enough cold to last me the entire year thank you very much. Anyway, the hours passed along uneventfully, for the most part, and then suddenly, about an hour and a half before clocking out, the gentlemanly grey clouds paid us another visit.

It poured. No, it spilled all over us. So much rain, so many resulting puddles for my Jeep to drive through like a rugged all-terrain adventurer, well, as far as my imagination was concerned. It was glorious. A much welcomed cleansing.

But the storm brought along its friend, the cold front, which isn't so bad I guess, I mean, it's not like it's freezing or anything like that. Also, the rain has stopped now for sure, and tomorrow we'll probably see the sun again.

And tomorrow, TOMORROW, is Wednesday, already. Wow, right? Last week took its sweet time to end, and this week is just flying by, not even stopping to have a cup of coffee with me or chatting about how it's doing. Oh well, it's okay, January is almost over, and I want to say goodbye to it already.

Hmm, I guess this is where my post ends tonight. I'll make an effort to write tomorrow too! :) Hope y'all have been having a better week too!

Things I do in the office...

Well, I have zero dogs at the moment, so does that imply that all it takes is ONE dog for me to become a "crazy dog lady"? (Source.)

...to distract myself when there is no work to be done:

1. Repeat phrases in my head.

Example: in contemplating the title of this post, "things I do in the office...things I do in the office...things I do in the office..."

2. Move my head in all directions, like a bird.

3. Drink water.

4. Refill my water bottle when it is empty.

5. Go through Pinterest and laugh (sometimes too loudly), pin, repin, like, at the "humor" pins.

6. Listen to music on Spotify (regular business hours haha).

7. Think about awkward moments in my life.

Example: like when I used to wear the "slim fit" jeans in middle school, even worse that I would wear a black belt and black dress shoes with white socks along with those jeans. Or like when I unconsciously make weird faces at friends/co-workers/strangers who are not in the "super-secret-approved-Euni-list-of-people list."

8. Read the good old "Mathematics for Economists" textbook. Guaranteed oodles and oodles of fun.

9. Daydream. --- Well, we all know I do that even if there is work to be done. I think I am 75% in daydream mode, and that's not taking actual bedtime slumber into account.

10. Walk around the office, stretch, balance on one leg, pretending to be a flamingo.

Now, my distraction activities aren't just limited to the above list; I have been known to apply unnecessary amounts of chapstick, browse online for dresses, look at webcomics, play with Google maps, cut out funny pictures from the junk mail the office receives, draw and color dinosaurs, etc. Wow, when I mention all the things I do when I'm not working, my job sounds super awesome. But don't think that I neglect my work; I just that efficient that I have so much extra time on my hands.

Tuesday Tunesday: Une Année Sans Lumière

Hey, it's Tuesday, and I'm taking a tiny break from studying for "Mathematical Economics," which gives me good reason to share another song with y'all. It might be no surprise, but it is another Arcade Fire song, one that has lately made me feel oddly at peace with the goings-on around me.

Now, I don't know all the lyrics and background information to this song, but it does bring to mind Plato's Allegory of the Cave...maybe I'm thinking too much into it hahaha. Oh yeah, and it has a bit of French in it too (which I don't know how to speak/read/write!) Enjoy!



A lot can happen in a matter of days (well, if I want to stretch out the time span, a couple of weeks), and I've reached a fork in the road (so to speak), and I'm indifferent between the two [basic] choices (and consequently the two potential outcomes). On the one hand I could have affection and more time invested with the guy I care about; on the other, there would be no need for me to further develop my feelings for that same guy. Obviously I'd much rather not even dwell on this little situation, and as the days progress I'm leaning more and more towards not seeing him (exclusively, romantically, whatever) and just moving on.

My relapse (on dwelling on the former-love-of-my-life) has nothing to do with my current thoughts, but I think I might have mentioned it here before: if I had already fought with all my might for the [former-]love-of-my-life, why should I even fight for this new guy (when I don't even know if he's anything special)?

It sounds awful, I know, but sometimes we just have to face reality and make decisions that will, in the long-run, be the best decisions for all of us. I wouldn't mind, of course, taking our relationship to the next level (gosh that phrasing sounds so trite and annoying), but only if I can trust his sincerity and supposed affections for me. I dunno, with school and work and all the other stuff in between, y'all might agree that I should just let this situation go. How about I just decide to not think about this stuff for the rest of the week (at least)? We'll go from there.

Here's to hoping for more interesting and happier things for the rest of the week! :)

Frogger

I had some extra time on my hands at work, so I went to XKCD and kept hitting the random button. Then I found this one:



Frogger (you should probably click on the image for a better look!)


The first time I saw this particular comic I was surrounded by such blissful memories. I should have known then that things were working out with the former-love-of-my-life, and that I could have spoken about my feelings with certainty and confidence.

He was good back then. I am trying not to be upset at myself for remembering my time with him, it's okay for me to go through little phases like these, things always get better. So bear with me, everyone, if I seem quiet and more reserved than usual, I'm just getting through this little episode.

I started grad school this week, and wow, it IS going to be tough. But I'm about 97% sure I'll be able to handle the full-time coursework along with the 40-hour work weeks...YAY LEARNING EXPERIENCES.

(I need to start writing and reading more!)

Weeeeeee 2013

Source: lilluna.com via Denise on Pinterest

Ha, so maybe I'm a little late in writing the quintessential New Year's Day post---in which I share with y'all all the important life lessons I've learned throughout the year, as well as the resolutions I followed through on and what this new year's resolutions are---but it's okay because this is teenytinytidbits, and I do what I want and post when I feel like it. :)

At the end of 2011, I had the following not-so-obligatory resolutions set out for myself:

• to travel at least once in 2012,
• to go back to school in the Fall,
• to continue yoga classes,
• to find a better job, AND
• to learn how to ride a bicycle.

Oh, and I told myself it was quite alright that I hadn't learned how to dance. Hmmm, you know what, you guys??? I actually accomplished MOST of those resolutions in 2012. Well, except for the whole finding a better job thing, BUT as I stated back then, I wasn't in any real hurry to find one. I also travelled (not to Seattle) to Mexico at the end of the year. {don't you worry, my dear city, I will visit you this year.} With regards to school, we all know how that went: I started taking classes last summer, and now I've managed to get myself into graduate school (btw, classes start next Monday)! I also continued my yoga practice. AAAAAAAAAAND, crazy crazy crazy, I actually learned how to ride a bicycle. I think riding a bike is actually my most proudest moment of 2012. Like for-real-for-real.

Oh yeah, and while I still haven't formally learned how to dance, I have become more comfortable of just going crazy, letting go, and dancing my shoes off, and I've actually been admired and complimented for my dance moves HAHAHAHA.

Wow, when I look at all my accomplished resolutions, I feel, well, accomplished. Oh sure, 2012 had its dark moments (had my car totaled on the first day of 2012, found out the former-love-of-my-life got engaged, blah blah blah), but it also had magnificent moments, like going out with friends and lovers, listening to amazing new music, and forming new loving memories with really special people.

I still have a lot to learn and do in life, but lemme see, lemme see, what should my resolutions for 2013 be? Let's keep it simple and relaxed this year too, I give better results when I left to my own devices. Ok, well, I want to continue my yoga practice, but to be more specific, I want to be able to do the "camel pose" without getting dizzy. I want to have an awesome first semester of grad school, so I will strive to have all A's in my courses (we'll see how it all goes, I'm just gonna try my best). I also want to run a 5K...don't know which 5K event I will try to do, probably the balloon festival 5K this summer...Also, sure I've learned how to ride a bike, but I want to get better at riding my bicycle. Hmmm, and I should go to more concerts, if anyone good comes along :)

And...one last resolution...though it's not a mandatory one, but I really would like this one to come true this year...I want to move out and live on my own. Completely depend only on myself. Have a place to call my own, freely decorate it my way, have my own dishware, experiment with weird food concoctions (or eat cereal whenever I feel like it!)...

2012, I loved you. You were exactly what I thought you would be. I'll miss you, but I'm ready to meet 2013 and enjoy the new adventures that await. I'm ready to learn, love, and live some more. I hope everyone has a great new year!!!

P.S. My last post of 2012 mentioned an accident I was in. I'm happy to report that it has all been resolved: the other party's insurance paid for my Jeep's repairs and now I'm back to driving and singing my favorite songs! :)

That's just CRAY CRAY

From xkcd. I should just wear this print on a shirt or badge...

I meant to write about something else (and earlier in the week), but this week has just been a little out of sorts, and it's really testing my ability to be flexible and resilient in every situation I encounter.

First off, I haven't been to yoga all week, and that makes me terribly sad; I like the feeling of going to yoga, and I was supposed to go yesterday after work, but then I got in a car accident and that just ruined my schedule for the rest of the evening. Nobody got hurt, some girl wasn't paying attention to the traffic and rammed (yes, the pickup truck rammed, like a big old ram) into the back of my poor Jeep. It's a good thing I have a Jeep; it scares me to think what would've happened to me if I still drove a little 4-cylinder Toyota Yaris. I know everything with regards to the body repairs to my car will be fixed, it's no big deal, it wasn't my fault or anything, but the fright always gets to me. All these what-ifs and scary thoughts are jarring and really test my patience and my ability to remain calm.

But it's okay. If anything, this little blip on my life's timeline has just served to show me how much my family and friends love me. They love me even though I'm kind of strange (ha, I had to find a way to tie in that xkcd comic). Anyway, I'll just let this cray cray stuff slide off me while I continue to smile and sing along to my favorite songs as I drive home.

Tuesday Tunesday: Sounds Like Hallelujah

Wow, another Tuesday, another music-sharing post. After thinking about it, I realize that my 150th post was very anticlimactic. It was poorly and rashly written, but I'm not gonna change it! :)

Instead, I will use it as a benchmark of sorts, you know, if I'm ever working on a future post and I start thinking it needs improvement, I'll just compare it to the 150th post. Yup, I do what I want!

Anyway, maybe y'all have heard of Spotify, maybe you haven't. In any case, y'all should give it a try! It's kind of like Pandora, only better, because you can actually listen to one particular artist/band/whatever, as well as listen to radio stations based on the artist/band/whatever. I'm obviously a big fan of Arcade Fire, Wilco, and lately, The Lumineers; and while listening to the stations based on them I've been exposed to other artists and bands I never paid attention to before, one example being The Head and The Heart. I am now smitten with them, and the fact that they are from Seattle makes it even more clear that I need to pack up my things and move on over to my "real home." Oh, I haven't mentioned it? I can feel it in my heart, my soul, that Seattle is where I'm supposed to be, for so many reasons it's not even funny. I haven't visited it before, but I just know that Seattle is my Manifest Destiny. I'll have to postpone my permanent move for at least two years (this thing called grad school is getting in the way), but I do intend to visit this beautiful city early next year, so I can leave my heart in a better place than New York City.

Anyway, in the meantime, I have this amazing music to keep me connected to Seattle. One of the songs that really stands out to me at the moment is this one (Sounds Like Hallelujah):


By now y'all might have guessed that I'm very biased towards folksy indie music, especially when the music is performed by a really good combination of people and instruments. I hope y'all enjoyed it too, I just know I'm really glad I've finally encountered these guys.

I'm feeling better today, by the way. I took my final exam for Calculus yesterday evening, and now I get to look forward to teaching myself Linear Algebra before I start grad school in January! So much fun, right? At least I already purchased a book and accompanying solution manual so I really don't have an excuse not to study...

Here's to an awesome rest of the year! :)

150 and Counting

HEY YOU GUYS GUESS WHAT???

THIS IS OFFICIALLY MY 150TH POST ON TEENYTINYTIDBITS.

Source: catchmyparty.com via Catch My Party on Pinterest

It's kind of exciting really. So exciting in fact, that I had to search on Pinterest for a nice virtual cake to celebrate. Isn't it fancy??? :)

Anyway, I guess I'll take a break from my studying and share a little of what's been going on in behind the scenes of teenytinytidbits...it's been quite a roller coaster, but I think things are getting a little better. Well, that is what I'm telling myself, life has been kind of tough here and there, and as I've been exploring my inner self (my thoughts, feelings, meanings, etc.), I am beginning to realize that there are a few things I need to take care of. The most complicated and difficult thing is, I believe, the clash between who I really am and who I strive to be around my friends, co-workers, and family. I'm such an introvert, and while I've been progressing bit by bit in hanging out more with friends, there are times when I just need to recuperate, contemplate my life, alone. I'm quite reserved and prefer to hold out on talking until it really is necessary to do so.

Now, I'm not saying being an introvert is bad---I love being a reserved individual---but these past couple of weeks I've seen the downside of introversion; because I tend to keep to myself (I rarely discuss my true feelings and reactions with those I love), I may be a little late on making a new relationship work out. Rational-me says I shouldn't worry or put too much thought into this, but when I have I ever really listened to Rational-me when it comes to love?

Anyway, since the start of this lovely month of December, I have decided to go through a mini-transformation of sorts. Well, more of a reconstruction: investing time, thought, and care into myself. I'm nourishing my mind and body through reading unassigned literature, going to yoga, and giving myself things I want and deserve. The yoga has helped tremendously; as I have become physically stronger, yoga has also allowed a wave of emotions to come over me, and it's forcing me to decipher what's going on inside my mind. I am choosing to figure out what I feel and why I feel that way. I've been reading another Raymond Chandler mystery, for fun, just because! Aaaaaand, while I haven't been shopping for new clothes and stuff, I have decided to dress up every now and then for the hell of it; I like using fashion (though an amateur I bet) as an art experiment on myself; it's been fun!

And so, I guess it's kind of cool that I'm sharing all this jumbled mess on my 150th post. I know struggles lie ahead, but I'm not hiding or running away from them. Just a request, if y'all happen to read my future posts and if they seem to be too sad or depressed, or even just plain apathetic, please, PLEASE snap me out of it. I'll accept any criticism and suggestions. :)

Have a lovely start of the week!

Tuesday Tunesday: My Body Is A Cage

Source: last.fm via ≪≫≪ L I A N N A on Pinterest

It's been too long since I've shared a song on either a Monday or Tuesday---I've completely neglected keeping at least one constant on teenytinytidbits...but that drought ends today. Prepare to quench your thirst with this amazing song by Arcade Fire (My Body Is A Cage, from the album, Neon Bible); I think the album as a whole is very underrated and often overlooked compared to their other albums. I know I certainly paid little attention to Neon Bible, but lately I've been thirsting for this album to play over and over again.



Y'all don't have to really listen to the song or whatever, but you must admit that these guys work really well together. The end product of their passion and work just leaves me breathless everytime. If they come anywhere near me in the near future, I will do whatever I can to see them perform live, that's for sure!

This Blog Needs MORE WHALES

And singing whales at that!

Hi everyone, I've been absent for a while, no big deal. Nothing too eventful has happened lately, though I did make really good progress this past weekend in trying new foods. I dunno if I've mentioned it or not, but I have a really hard time eating, and an even harder time eating with my friends. Not only am I a picky eater, but I am also a lazy eater. Most of the time I never finish my meal because I get "tired of chewing." It's bad, and as I've gotten older I've become more self-conscious of this "different" behavior. It's not an eating disorder or anything like that, I enjoy eating when I actually eat, and I don't have any body image issues (other than wishing I was a smidgen taller). But I worry that my behavior might seem "sickly" to others, to my friends and family.

Anyway, my friends had a [post]-Thanksgiving potluck thingy this past weekend, and I told myself I would try new foods. And I did make a sincere effort to eat the food provided. It's not too big of a deal, I guess; it's not like I finished everything on my plate, but I was proud of myself for trying.

It doesn't really matter, I guess, unless my progress and behavior hit a snag or something. Oh goodness, I hope this post didn't come off as being mentally ill or something.

Am I Learning?

I think I'm getting better at accepting the good things that have come my way lately. I can now officially say that I am in fact going to grad school in January 2013. I know, I'm still terrified out of my mind, and my feeling of terror reminded me of the mini panic attack I had in May, before I started the "summer of math" and all of the adventures I've had since then. However, the terror is made less, uhm, terrifying (forgive the unnecessary redundancy) by the fact that I am happy. I feel more confident too, confident in my intelligence and renewed hope.

There are a few minor differences this time around, regarding going back to school. The most important difference is I'm not afraid to admit that I don't know what I'm doing; I just know that I love Economics, I know what interests me in the field, and I'm just going to roll with whatever happens. Compare that to the start of my undergrad, boy was I crazy. 18-year-old Euni knew, just knew, that she was going to major in Marketing and get some fancy-schmancy job after graduation. HA. HA. HA. I do admire younger-me's passion though, and I feel like I'm regaining some of that passion and focusing it in a more positive way.

With regards to love, too, I've been struggling a bit more in accepting it for what it is. It's okay for me to love someone, and it's okay for that someone to love me back. I don't need to runaway or mask my fears with indifference. Like seriously, a really funny thing happened recently, in which God played a good-natured joke on me, just so I could realize that I didn't need to run away, but I'll relate that story another time.

Of course, being the overly cautious girl that I am, I can't say for sure that I've learned all that I needed to learn; there are still countless things for me to experience and learn from, and that is quite alright. Also, if I go through another rough patch, I'm okay with that, because I know things will always get better.

For this moment though, however brief or long it may be, I feel like my heart's in the sky, enjoying the warm sunshine in this cold weather...or like this song. Whichever image works best for y'all :)

This is enough to...

...make me vomit. Life, I admit, has been going quite well for me right now, so my current emotional instability is making me more upset than usual.

I'll be perfectly fine, content, and full of hope and light one moment, and as if I had a switch or something, the next moment I just feel terrible. I know people love me, I know I love myself, I know God loves me, so it's perplexing to me that I feel this way.

I begin to remember the former-love-of-my-life. I don't love him anymore, I don't even miss our friendship, but something about my past interactions with him seriously messed me up.

I'm ready to embrace new love, I want to assert my affections out loud, but I know the moment I do, the former-love-of-my-life will find some way to wedge his big nose back into my recuperating life. He's done it in the past, made sure I wouldn't forget him.

That's not my fault; if anything, it just means that there's seriously something wrong with him, not me. Craving my attention in some sick twisted way.

I don't want to lose this time. I want to win. I want to break through everything that is holding me back.

I just hope my new love is willing to bear with me while I put myself back together.

Consolidating Lotsa Posts into One

Hi everyone! Allow me to share my usual reason/excuse for the scarce posts: I've been busy with school and work and other junk...right? Yup. But this time I'd like to add in that I was scrambling all over the place getting a few last things ready for my grad school application. And now I can finally say that everything's been turned in...and I wait, with almost-nauseous anxiety, to hear back from the university.

Anyway, rather than inundating your feeds with several new posts, I'm just gonna consolidate lotsa tiny posts into one...hence this post's title "Consolidating Lotsa Posts into One," just in case y'all couldn't make the connection, but I know y'all are very smart and awesome cookies and now I'm just rambling. Sorry. Also, I'm numbering my tiny posts with hopefully interesting mini-titles? We'll see, you can skip them if you don't think they'll be worth reading hahaha.

SUPER EDIT: I was supposed to post this LAST week, but this thing called life got in the way, in a good way though! Anyway, now I'm just briefly touching on the consolidated posts. I'm sorry I teased y'all with everything, but I'm gonna try to limit each tiny post to just a few sentences. I'm telling myself that I'll know what I'm talking about, if/when I look back on this post, but we'll see.


1. an old dear finance friend

I miss my old dear finance friend, like crazy, and I know why. I hope he's doing well in law school.


2. crazy cold efficiency mode

I adore this beautiful Fall weather (who doesn't!?), but because of the colder temperatures, my body is going into efficiency mode. Hello cold limbs.


3. lotsa

Deciding to consolidate "lotsa" posts into one brought along the memory of one of my favorite econ professors. She was awesome, super intelligent and eloquent, and she loved using the term "lotsa" when giving her lectures. I hope I can be like her when I grow up.


4. breathing

I never really gave breathing a second thought; it's an automatic and totally natural thing we all do, but when you feel someone else's breathing go along with yours, it's overwhelming. Time is measured by the flow of air, no longer mere numbers.


I PROMISE I'll share something unofficially official in the super near future, like maybe tonight or by tomorrow afternoon. I just have a few things to do to be certainly-sure that I'm not sharing a lie or whatever; if my unofficially official announcement is true-true, I'll be feeling even better than I have these past couple of days, especially regarding the point of taking all these calculus courses. WHATEVER, y'all will know soon enough! :)

P.S. How about those election results, hmmmm? More on that later!

P.P.S. What the hell, lemme just write the unofficially official news now: I've been admitted to the grad school program that I applied for. I'm totally excited, totally scared of what's next, and totally ready to get my hands dirty with Economics again. We can't full-on celebrate yet, I still have to talk with the advisor, move things around to ensure I can still work, go to yoga, and go to school without a snag, oh yeah, and to figure out if I'm getting any scholarships and financial aid........oh boy, I'm getting dizzy just thinking about all of this. But it's worth it! :D

P.P.P.S. One last thing: I'm catching up with my blog reading list, so don't think I've forgotten y'all!!! :)