Friday, November 16, 2012

Am I Learning?

I think I'm getting better at accepting the good things that have come my way lately. I can now officially say that I am in fact going to grad school in January 2013. I know, I'm still terrified out of my mind, and my feeling of terror reminded me of the mini panic attack I had in May, before I started the "summer of math" and all of the adventures I've had since then. However, the terror is made less, uhm, terrifying (forgive the unnecessary redundancy) by the fact that I am happy. I feel more confident too, confident in my intelligence and renewed hope.

There are a few minor differences this time around, regarding going back to school. The most important difference is I'm not afraid to admit that I don't know what I'm doing; I just know that I love Economics, I know what interests me in the field, and I'm just going to roll with whatever happens. Compare that to the start of my undergrad, boy was I crazy. 18-year-old Euni knew, just knew, that she was going to major in Marketing and get some fancy-schmancy job after graduation. HA. HA. HA. I do admire younger-me's passion though, and I feel like I'm regaining some of that passion and focusing it in a more positive way.

With regards to love, too, I've been struggling a bit more in accepting it for what it is. It's okay for me to love someone, and it's okay for that someone to love me back. I don't need to runaway or mask my fears with indifference. Like seriously, a really funny thing happened recently, in which God played a good-natured joke on me, just so I could realize that I didn't need to run away, but I'll relate that story another time.

Of course, being the overly cautious girl that I am, I can't say for sure that I've learned all that I needed to learn; there are still countless things for me to experience and learn from, and that is quite alright. Also, if I go through another rough patch, I'm okay with that, because I know things will always get better.

For this moment though, however brief or long it may be, I feel like my heart's in the sky, enjoying the warm sunshine in this cold weather...or like this song. Whichever image works best for y'all :)

1 comment:

  1. Well I'm glad you feel that way. We all have a lot more to learn, but I guess you know that seeing how you're going to school :) Loving and being loved is fine too, if not better than fine. It's great you're getting some of your old passion back too. You're growing, maturing, and it really isn't that bad.