That's just CRAY CRAY

From xkcd. I should just wear this print on a shirt or badge...

I meant to write about something else (and earlier in the week), but this week has just been a little out of sorts, and it's really testing my ability to be flexible and resilient in every situation I encounter.

First off, I haven't been to yoga all week, and that makes me terribly sad; I like the feeling of going to yoga, and I was supposed to go yesterday after work, but then I got in a car accident and that just ruined my schedule for the rest of the evening. Nobody got hurt, some girl wasn't paying attention to the traffic and rammed (yes, the pickup truck rammed, like a big old ram) into the back of my poor Jeep. It's a good thing I have a Jeep; it scares me to think what would've happened to me if I still drove a little 4-cylinder Toyota Yaris. I know everything with regards to the body repairs to my car will be fixed, it's no big deal, it wasn't my fault or anything, but the fright always gets to me. All these what-ifs and scary thoughts are jarring and really test my patience and my ability to remain calm.

But it's okay. If anything, this little blip on my life's timeline has just served to show me how much my family and friends love me. They love me even though I'm kind of strange (ha, I had to find a way to tie in that xkcd comic). Anyway, I'll just let this cray cray stuff slide off me while I continue to smile and sing along to my favorite songs as I drive home.

Tuesday Tunesday: Sounds Like Hallelujah

Wow, another Tuesday, another music-sharing post. After thinking about it, I realize that my 150th post was very anticlimactic. It was poorly and rashly written, but I'm not gonna change it! :)

Instead, I will use it as a benchmark of sorts, you know, if I'm ever working on a future post and I start thinking it needs improvement, I'll just compare it to the 150th post. Yup, I do what I want!

Anyway, maybe y'all have heard of Spotify, maybe you haven't. In any case, y'all should give it a try! It's kind of like Pandora, only better, because you can actually listen to one particular artist/band/whatever, as well as listen to radio stations based on the artist/band/whatever. I'm obviously a big fan of Arcade Fire, Wilco, and lately, The Lumineers; and while listening to the stations based on them I've been exposed to other artists and bands I never paid attention to before, one example being The Head and The Heart. I am now smitten with them, and the fact that they are from Seattle makes it even more clear that I need to pack up my things and move on over to my "real home." Oh, I haven't mentioned it? I can feel it in my heart, my soul, that Seattle is where I'm supposed to be, for so many reasons it's not even funny. I haven't visited it before, but I just know that Seattle is my Manifest Destiny. I'll have to postpone my permanent move for at least two years (this thing called grad school is getting in the way), but I do intend to visit this beautiful city early next year, so I can leave my heart in a better place than New York City.

Anyway, in the meantime, I have this amazing music to keep me connected to Seattle. One of the songs that really stands out to me at the moment is this one (Sounds Like Hallelujah):


By now y'all might have guessed that I'm very biased towards folksy indie music, especially when the music is performed by a really good combination of people and instruments. I hope y'all enjoyed it too, I just know I'm really glad I've finally encountered these guys.

I'm feeling better today, by the way. I took my final exam for Calculus yesterday evening, and now I get to look forward to teaching myself Linear Algebra before I start grad school in January! So much fun, right? At least I already purchased a book and accompanying solution manual so I really don't have an excuse not to study...

Here's to an awesome rest of the year! :)

150 and Counting

HEY YOU GUYS GUESS WHAT???

THIS IS OFFICIALLY MY 150TH POST ON TEENYTINYTIDBITS.

Source: catchmyparty.com via Catch My Party on Pinterest

It's kind of exciting really. So exciting in fact, that I had to search on Pinterest for a nice virtual cake to celebrate. Isn't it fancy??? :)

Anyway, I guess I'll take a break from my studying and share a little of what's been going on in behind the scenes of teenytinytidbits...it's been quite a roller coaster, but I think things are getting a little better. Well, that is what I'm telling myself, life has been kind of tough here and there, and as I've been exploring my inner self (my thoughts, feelings, meanings, etc.), I am beginning to realize that there are a few things I need to take care of. The most complicated and difficult thing is, I believe, the clash between who I really am and who I strive to be around my friends, co-workers, and family. I'm such an introvert, and while I've been progressing bit by bit in hanging out more with friends, there are times when I just need to recuperate, contemplate my life, alone. I'm quite reserved and prefer to hold out on talking until it really is necessary to do so.

Now, I'm not saying being an introvert is bad---I love being a reserved individual---but these past couple of weeks I've seen the downside of introversion; because I tend to keep to myself (I rarely discuss my true feelings and reactions with those I love), I may be a little late on making a new relationship work out. Rational-me says I shouldn't worry or put too much thought into this, but when I have I ever really listened to Rational-me when it comes to love?

Anyway, since the start of this lovely month of December, I have decided to go through a mini-transformation of sorts. Well, more of a reconstruction: investing time, thought, and care into myself. I'm nourishing my mind and body through reading unassigned literature, going to yoga, and giving myself things I want and deserve. The yoga has helped tremendously; as I have become physically stronger, yoga has also allowed a wave of emotions to come over me, and it's forcing me to decipher what's going on inside my mind. I am choosing to figure out what I feel and why I feel that way. I've been reading another Raymond Chandler mystery, for fun, just because! Aaaaaand, while I haven't been shopping for new clothes and stuff, I have decided to dress up every now and then for the hell of it; I like using fashion (though an amateur I bet) as an art experiment on myself; it's been fun!

And so, I guess it's kind of cool that I'm sharing all this jumbled mess on my 150th post. I know struggles lie ahead, but I'm not hiding or running away from them. Just a request, if y'all happen to read my future posts and if they seem to be too sad or depressed, or even just plain apathetic, please, PLEASE snap me out of it. I'll accept any criticism and suggestions. :)

Have a lovely start of the week!

Tuesday Tunesday: My Body Is A Cage

Source: last.fm via ≪≫≪ L I A N N A on Pinterest

It's been too long since I've shared a song on either a Monday or Tuesday---I've completely neglected keeping at least one constant on teenytinytidbits...but that drought ends today. Prepare to quench your thirst with this amazing song by Arcade Fire (My Body Is A Cage, from the album, Neon Bible); I think the album as a whole is very underrated and often overlooked compared to their other albums. I know I certainly paid little attention to Neon Bible, but lately I've been thirsting for this album to play over and over again.



Y'all don't have to really listen to the song or whatever, but you must admit that these guys work really well together. The end product of their passion and work just leaves me breathless everytime. If they come anywhere near me in the near future, I will do whatever I can to see them perform live, that's for sure!

This Blog Needs MORE WHALES

And singing whales at that!

Hi everyone, I've been absent for a while, no big deal. Nothing too eventful has happened lately, though I did make really good progress this past weekend in trying new foods. I dunno if I've mentioned it or not, but I have a really hard time eating, and an even harder time eating with my friends. Not only am I a picky eater, but I am also a lazy eater. Most of the time I never finish my meal because I get "tired of chewing." It's bad, and as I've gotten older I've become more self-conscious of this "different" behavior. It's not an eating disorder or anything like that, I enjoy eating when I actually eat, and I don't have any body image issues (other than wishing I was a smidgen taller). But I worry that my behavior might seem "sickly" to others, to my friends and family.

Anyway, my friends had a [post]-Thanksgiving potluck thingy this past weekend, and I told myself I would try new foods. And I did make a sincere effort to eat the food provided. It's not too big of a deal, I guess; it's not like I finished everything on my plate, but I was proud of myself for trying.

It doesn't really matter, I guess, unless my progress and behavior hit a snag or something. Oh goodness, I hope this post didn't come off as being mentally ill or something.

Am I Learning?

I think I'm getting better at accepting the good things that have come my way lately. I can now officially say that I am in fact going to grad school in January 2013. I know, I'm still terrified out of my mind, and my feeling of terror reminded me of the mini panic attack I had in May, before I started the "summer of math" and all of the adventures I've had since then. However, the terror is made less, uhm, terrifying (forgive the unnecessary redundancy) by the fact that I am happy. I feel more confident too, confident in my intelligence and renewed hope.

There are a few minor differences this time around, regarding going back to school. The most important difference is I'm not afraid to admit that I don't know what I'm doing; I just know that I love Economics, I know what interests me in the field, and I'm just going to roll with whatever happens. Compare that to the start of my undergrad, boy was I crazy. 18-year-old Euni knew, just knew, that she was going to major in Marketing and get some fancy-schmancy job after graduation. HA. HA. HA. I do admire younger-me's passion though, and I feel like I'm regaining some of that passion and focusing it in a more positive way.

With regards to love, too, I've been struggling a bit more in accepting it for what it is. It's okay for me to love someone, and it's okay for that someone to love me back. I don't need to runaway or mask my fears with indifference. Like seriously, a really funny thing happened recently, in which God played a good-natured joke on me, just so I could realize that I didn't need to run away, but I'll relate that story another time.

Of course, being the overly cautious girl that I am, I can't say for sure that I've learned all that I needed to learn; there are still countless things for me to experience and learn from, and that is quite alright. Also, if I go through another rough patch, I'm okay with that, because I know things will always get better.

For this moment though, however brief or long it may be, I feel like my heart's in the sky, enjoying the warm sunshine in this cold weather...or like this song. Whichever image works best for y'all :)

This is enough to...

...make me vomit. Life, I admit, has been going quite well for me right now, so my current emotional instability is making me more upset than usual.

I'll be perfectly fine, content, and full of hope and light one moment, and as if I had a switch or something, the next moment I just feel terrible. I know people love me, I know I love myself, I know God loves me, so it's perplexing to me that I feel this way.

I begin to remember the former-love-of-my-life. I don't love him anymore, I don't even miss our friendship, but something about my past interactions with him seriously messed me up.

I'm ready to embrace new love, I want to assert my affections out loud, but I know the moment I do, the former-love-of-my-life will find some way to wedge his big nose back into my recuperating life. He's done it in the past, made sure I wouldn't forget him.

That's not my fault; if anything, it just means that there's seriously something wrong with him, not me. Craving my attention in some sick twisted way.

I don't want to lose this time. I want to win. I want to break through everything that is holding me back.

I just hope my new love is willing to bear with me while I put myself back together.